Constantly new game plans… Meds Ordered!

My last post I specifically said I was learning to just relax and go with the flow.  Like I literally think life is trying to force me to learn this skill.  Of course it is continuing…

Wednesday I was told 2 – 3 weeks after consult I’d get a call and then the med list.  I’d decided I would write off this next cycle and wait another month.  No big deal.  And boom – Meds were uploaded and sent to the pharmacy.  They’ll be here Tuesday and I’m still set then to begin this next cycle.  Just like that.

Well, not just like that – Yesterday was a crazy amount of calculating, quoting and working on figuring out the meds.  Initial quote was over $4,000.  With some discounts it was down to $2,600.  I gave them a few more codes and asked to run a few things through insurance.  Final verdict – $2,164.  Amazing, I saved basically 50% off the total price when it was all said and done.  This will cover retrieval and transfer meds.  So, I’m super set.  Then I spent today making spreadsheets.  Because I have issues and need control of SOMETHING.  So, many medications to take.  I have 12 meds for retrieval and then 12 meds for transfer/after.  Some are more than once a day.  Plus, the supplements and regular meds I take (18 all together I counted).  This makes 30 meds per day during this process.  That is freaking INSANE.

I’ve already decided if this first attempt isn’t successful I want to skip December and then do January or February.  I don’t trust I’ll get many embryos with my issues.  So, assume I’ll need another retrieval but I don’t want to do it back to back really.  It’ll be too chaotic to get meds and everything in time.  So, this way is absolutely my goal.  I think I need that for my own mental health.

I’ve also debated so much on the whole genetic testing part.  Final decision – I’m fresh transferring one.  If I have one.  And my body is able to fresh transfer.  Any remaining – Whether it be 1 or 5.  I want to push to Day 5 and test.  Is it a gamble?  Yes.  Is there a chance they could degrade before Day 5?  Oh yes.  However, I don’t want to spend a bunch of wasted time transferring embryos that may not be usable.  I don’t have that much time to just keep leaving work for monitoring and driving to Colorado and really I’d like to avoid unnecessary transfers.  (I still have full plans of transferring the abnormals with a normal.  I’m aware they can correct themselves sometimes and am also aware they likely won’t implant if abnormal.   But I’m not even interested in throwing away even an embryo.)  Plus, I think I’d like to somehow successfully have two children.  Siblings (close in age) are important if possible.  So, if I could even get one normal I’d still do another retrieval prior to transferring any of them.  And if none can be pushed to Day 5 – lesson learned and I’ll reconsider plans in the future of pushing or just transferring.

My foster’s mother is making me crazy.  Well, not really, I’ve quit caring.  I’m just annoyed and disappointed with her.  She skipped her visit again last night.  I did the math and due to her generous visitation schedule she should have about 25 – 30 hours done.  She’s got 11.  She either doesn’t come or she’s super late.  She lied and said she worked Saturday night and I learned that was not a fact.  I don’t understand being so disinterested in your child.  I can’t imagine not getting to see my kid daily at this age.  Like a vacation I understand.  But this – No.  Yet again, she’s supposed to come at 5:30 tonight.  I’m not holding my breath.  She also hasn’t texted at all today to ask how he is.  She had been at least checking in.  Nothing.  Lots of texts, but not about her kid.  Just questions about wage stubs, questions about work, comments about her baby daddy.  Ummmm, okay?  I quit – I’m not putting forth more effort.  I’m not just telling her about her kid at this point.  It’s time for her to try or go away.

Sadly, the inconsistency isn’t good for him.  I did notice yesterday he was far more of a jerk and she’d come for 30 minutes the night before.  Today he was great.  I’m going to start paying more attention as I’m thinking the behaviors I see are AFTER she’s visited.  It’s confusing for him.  He’s angry.  Which he has every right to be.  And sadly he doesn’t know how to communicate those feelings so he’s just angry and grouchy.  It’ll get better.  Slowly.

Tonight I told his Grandma we could Facetime.  At least somebody in his family loves him and wants to be in his life.

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