Don’t Judge – It really does take a village.

Some days my job is simply too much for me.

I like my job.  I like the people I work with. I like the clients I truly am able to help.  To know that I’ve helped enable them to be the best they can be.  To take good care of their kids.  To know their life will be a little better.  Or a lot better.

I’m aware the pros outweigh the cons.  I get it.  I know I do good.  I know it’s valuable.

Yet some days my soul is sucked out.  Chewed up.  Smashed into the ground.  Broken into pieces.  Some days I’m left seeing a nightmare most only dream about.  Only read about in the news.  The nightmares that will “never” happen to them.  Everyone says the same thing.  How could a parent do that to their child?  Heck, I say this.  Daily.  How?

But in the very same breath, some don’t have the parenting skills, the basic knowledge, the understanding of how to do things “right”.  They don’t understand.  They don’t choose to hurt their children.  They don’t choose to neglect them.  To forget them.  To leave them somewhere they felt would be okay.  It wasn’t a conscious choice of “I’m going to leave my child here.  For awhile.  Because I’m okay if they die.”  Not at all.

They need the skills taught.  Not judgment.  Not stares as you see them mess up.  They simply need a hand.  A mentor.  Someone to guide them into making choices.  These parents that “mess up”?  So often they weren’t taught the skills by their own parents.  They grew up in the system.  They’re prime examples of cycles repeating. Their parents weren’t around, either physically or emotionally.

They just need help.  It takes a village.  It really.  Truly does.  A huge village.  When you’re somewhere & you see a parent struggling or doing something totally scary/unsafe.  Don’t stare.  Offer help.  Offer advice.  Offer a friendly smile.  That may be all it takes.  Will they be offended?  Maybe.  But maybe they won’t be?  Maybe they’ll thank you.  Maybe that’s what they needed to hear.  You really have no idea.  What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Because someday it may be too late to offer help & a tragic accident may have been avoided.  If just one person would have spoken up sooner.

I can’t imagine losing a child in a way that could have been prevented.  I can’t imagine being a child myself when it happened.  To say good bye to the only constant in my life.  To make the choice to let my baby go.  To know you will never hear your little one’s laughter or to see his smile.  It truly breaks my heart.

And at the end of every workday I look in the mirror & I remember how alike I once was to many of the people I’m working to help.  And I can’t help but to repeatedly think…. This could have been me.  Once upon a time I was literally in every one of my clients shoes.  I made these same choices.  I did things I regret.  Thankfully I didn’t have fatal results.  Thankfully I had guardian angels watching out me.  Thankfully I had a support system that did help me to grow, blossom & succeed.

Maybe that’s why I do so well.  Why I connect.  Why they like me.  I really, truly, 150% get it.  I don’t judge.  I know nag.  I simply do what I would have wanted someone to do for me.

*sigh* I have some happy stories. I have some great stories.  But tonight.  Tonight I’m not feeling it.  It’s been a long day.  My heart is heavy.

And I simply wish to drift off into dreamless sleep.


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June 30, 2018

You need training (and a license) to drive a car, be a surgeon, or fly a plane, yet any idiot can spawn and raise a child.  And sadly, many are unequipped, as you point out.  But this “villager” falls into the, “can’t feed them, don’t breed them” camp.  We are happily child-free by choice, and don’t want to deal with anyone else’s mistakes.  It’s great to know people like you are willing to pitch in, but it has to be an act of devotion.