No Motivation Today

Another Sunday. My least favorite day.

I climbed out of bed at noon. How I made it that long. I have no idea. There’s no reason I can’t function today. Last night was unexciting.  Three beers and then dinner. I shouldn’t be feeling as blah as I am today. Brewery was dead. Grouchy Steve came in – he forgot his mask – I nicely reply from my table 20 feet away that it’s fine. He then says it’s me that’s the problem. Ummm dude, you just forgot your mask and you have a subway bag in your hands? So you’ve been to at least two places? Aren’t you the problem then too Steve? I’m staying more than 6 feet away. Thus, I should be fine buddy. And really – He didn’t have a mask either? He went outside to drink and eat alone which was actually packed full of people. I stayed inside. At my far away table. Alone. As usual. Some of the world just doesn’t make sense.

Today I have zero motivation.  I’ve crawled out of bed. Taken a bath. Ordered my weekly groceries. Now I’m waiting to get a text to pick up my groceries. Take a shower. Order my favorite pizza to be delivered. Watch Hallmark Movies. Do a load of laundry and continue to lay here until I can rationalize returning to bed. Guess that’s the way this Sunday will go. Some days are good. Some days, not so good.

She’s been gone 11 weeks today. One would hope the bad days would stop. They won’t. I know that. But I can still dream and wish they will. Instead I’ll just lay here alone all day, pondering life. Doing nothing. Wishing for pure happiness. Accepting pure nothingness.

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August 16, 2020

I went back a few entries to figure out what was going on. I am so so sorry that you lost your friend so abruptly and so unnecessarily. I can’t imagine how hard this is. And I understand why Sunday’s are complete trash now. If you ever need an ear, message me on here. 💛