Selfishness Everywhere

So tired of stupid people. That’s literally the moral of my life lately. I don’t like them. I don’t want to be around them. Yet, the world is full. Maybe stupid isn’t the word? Maybe there is a better word…. rude? careless? Selfish? Irresponsible? Self-centered? Childish?

Its another one of those where do I begin kind of days?

My 20 year old moved back in – After 5 1/2 weeks out of town. With her 22 month old. And – Almost 20 weeks pregnant with another baby. It is what it is but my gosh she has to get her life together. I watch her parent J and I have no idea how she can handle two. None. It’s awful. I feel like I’m prompting a 12 year old. I missed little dude and wanted him back as it’s safest for him here and secure. But I was not prepared for the rest of this. I just keep reminding myself I have to model these skills and teach her. But damn it. She should know by now. Can she learn? I blame myself as I was 15 when she was born and let my idiotic mother take charge and then keep her when I left.  She said it was best. Swore it was.  I’m not sure I realized the full impact she had until now. I literally had no idea it was THIS bad. She’s been more mine for years than my moms but my moms “ways” just have a hold. I guess I just see it now that little dude is older and I want so much more for him than he’s given somedays. How she’ll survive when she leaves this house with two is beyond me. She’s just waiting for her housing to come through. I’m assuming we’ll have both the kids a ton when this happens. I don’t want the cycle to repeat tho. I want to teach her the skills to use in her own life. Not do it for her. The OBGYN also took her off her BiPolar Medications due to the pregnancy and says it’s best for the baby. He’s obviously never saw her off them and has NO idea. So I try to keep in mind the unmedicated status.

Then you have my mom. I simply can’t like her. That hasn’t changed. The feeling actually gets stronger every single day. She now has Covid too. Well, she’s off quarantine already but was positive and did have symptoms. She rejoined the real world the moment the health department said she could. My grandparents doctor felt it best to wait a few days to be safe. I agree. Better safe than sorry. Nope, not my mom. Their doctor says a lot of things and off she goes. I messaged her before the results and simply said if she’s going to continue to do large group activities we would not be around her. It isn’t safe. (Obviously not as she was positive days later.) I don’t just mean an event here & there. We’re talking she’s still going to Biker Events that draw bikers (motorcycle) from 2-3+ different states and Canada. They party hard and you know they aren’t social distancing by the end. She’s still going to various groups and meetings that could be via zoom. Nope she’s going. I’m the one who doesn’t always wear a mask. Dude. YOU ARE SELFISH.

I have explained the difference is I know that mask won’t protect me overall. Thus, I choose to stay home. I choose to avoid big group. I do 90% of my shopping online with curbside pick-up. I work from home. I use a Lysol wipe on my once a month gas trip. (That’s all I need as I go nowhere.) I have a circle of 3ish friends I see in person which I know do the same. I scrub my hands and never wear the same clothes out of the house twice now. I can’t say I’m a fearful mask wearer but I can say I’ve done my research and am covid cautious. Her mask is garbage without the rest of it. Everyone’s mask is. In the end, two weeks after beginning this discussion she said she just will post on Facebook she can’t see the baby because I won’t let her as she has a life as she has events she isn’t cancelling. Okay crazy b – you do that.

Then you have baby daddy of the almost 2 year old and his mom. Again. Crazy. Background – I have had this child more than anyone else the last 2 years.  Not always by choice. Dad was rarely around and then left for college with his mothers pushing. He was back last summer and tried to do 7/7 with an 18 month old when they broke up. It went disastrously. He fully quit his visits 3 weeks before he went to college. Like didn’t care. I leave for college in 3 weeks we can stop now. No holidays with baby. Nothing.

Now he’s decided he wants to take him with to fly 1,900 miles to Florida to see his mom. Well, his mom has decided. Who has saw him 3 times I believe? Maybe 2 times? We are in the middle of a pandemic. Baby had awful lung issues last year. Diagnosed with asthma. RSV. Pneumonia. This is a bad idea. Daughter tells him no and he turns into a royal douche this week. He wants to take him or he’ll file for custody. Ummmm, okay dude. He keeps going until the daughters crying on two separate nights. Last time I jumped in and said no more. Enough with the threats. He can’t see just use his kid as an object to please his absent mother. He blew him off on Thanksgiving and now wants him? On a possibly unhealthy trip? No doctor would agree. The. End. If he doesn’t like it file the parenting plan and we will see him in court with an attorney but if I hear another threat I’ll simply hang up. Show up to see your kid or go. Because at this point the baby’s health is number one and I care about nothing else.

Buttttt he called and told his mom on me. Who called and threw a fit. She isn’t an absent parent. Yes, you are. She can’t come here because she has a job and can’t just sit with kids all day. Well, my friend YOU chose a career, I chose family. I’m sorry that instead of picking both you wanted power and international travel. She asked who made me the gate keeper. Ummm nobody. Your son was told no before I even knew about it which was the responsible decision. She just kept insisting that the baby could go. No, you can come here. Well, my employer won’t let me travel that far because of Covid. Ummmm, excuse me? But a not even 2 year old should? Really. And her son has limited time to see him. It isn’t his fault. When he’s in town he doesn’t even see him more than an hour. It’s awful. Well, it isn’t his fault, he’s busy and he sends his money each month. Ummmm. Really. Parenting is about more than $200/month. She just kept going in crazy circles. It honestly reminded me of a narcissistic conversation.  Trying to confuse me and doubt myself. She doesn’t even care. She didn’t raise her child. She saw him and took some Facebook pictures once a year or so. She’s just so selfish. I finally told her I was beating a dead horse. It isn’t currently healthy. The end. And she says then her son will file a parenting plan, request travel be allowed and we’ll be done. Great, I repeat back what I heard and told her to have him contact the mother of his child when he’s ready to file so she can provide her attorneys name and we’ll go that route. I’d be happy to have it done with. She then says I didn’t say that and we don’t want. What do you want then????? Get a medical note to prove it and then we’ll let a doctor decide. Ummm, okay. No problem. Then she snaps not to have a doctor write what I want. Umm, yeah, he’s had the same pediatrician for 2 years, she’ll be honest. I use legit doctors. And in the end – J is the only thing that matters I really don’t care about any of your feelings. The end.

The doctor was abhorred she’d insist on this. She’s worried about other respiratory viruses and not even COVID. She wrote a fabulous note. No travel by aircraft or populated travel location through May 2021, possibly longer. Literally, the end.

I do hope she’ll come here and visit.  I do hope her son will start being a regular, frequent dad and not a convenient dad. I do hope my mom will someday see she’s missing out by making her socialization a priority . But I have no control over any of these people and can only love that little boy enough for all of them.

Why does it come to this tho? Why is everyone so selfish? I just don’t get it.  Assholes.

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December 2, 2020

First time reader here….I can really feel for you. Maybe some parenting courses for the both of them?