Thank You, Drew TOTW#37

Dear Drew,

When I met you, I was on the tails of some pretty hefty health issues.  I was just starting a new job, and I was completely bankrupt of all the things that I felt made me a good candidate for a romantic partner.  Strong and Independent – those were the words I always used to describe myself.  I’ve gotten up every time I’ve been knocked down.  I built a career as a teacher and I was proud of the work that I did.  I’d been working without a break since I was 18.

When I met you, all of those things were gone or failing me.  Due to burnout and serious illness, I had been unemployed for months.  I was starting a new job, but I had lots to catch up on.  I was still recovering from a recent illness, so I was no longer strong.  I shared these things with you because I never expected a man to pay my way or buy me things.  I wanted to meet you, but I wanted that out there from the start.

I can’t say that you swept me off my feet.  There were no grand romantic gestures.  There were no poetic words.  There was just this look in your eyes that told me that you were exactly the man you claimed to be and you wanted me.  I felt safe and comfortable with you within minutes of meeting you.

You and I have our baggage.  Neither’s past has been pretty.  But those histories made us ready for each other.  Those histories made you appreciate my even temper and ability to give you the benefit of the doubt.  They made me appreciate your kindness and generosity and the way you absolutely worshipped my body.

It hasn’t all been easy.  Moving across the country has been a hard transition for both of us.  It has taken work.  But when my health crumbled and I was helpless, you were there for me in ways I never imagined a man could or would be.  You have worked to support us including my three dogs and my cat.  You have become the primary housekeeper and cook.  You do most of the grocery shopping, and never fail to bring me some chocolate.

My default setting is to expect rejection.  I think that’s why my relationships have been with men who needed my resources.  If leaving me would leave them homeless, there’s much lower chance of rejection.  You did not need my resources, but I literally cannot live without yours.  Everything in me tells me that I’m a burden.  Your life would be so much easier without me and my critters in it.  But you never let me doubt for a moment that you love me and want me and want to take care of me.  “Thank you,” seems so inadequate.  “I love you,” doesn’t even seem to convey what I feel.  You have healed so many broken parts of me – parts I never realized were broken – and you do it with genuine love and joy.

I absolutely believe that you are a gift from God.  I just don’t know what I ever did to deserve such a gift.

Forever yours,

Jenna