Day # 34 – Being Spoiled and Still Sad

My parents are spoiling the heck out of me. I’m wondering where they got all this money. So first, they bought me a professional wood burning kit, then they bought me a bunch of rugs. This morning they brought over a 65″ 4K HD television! They’re throwing money at me left and right. I don’t know if this is their way of trying to soften the blow of N leaving, or what…. I’m starting to feel guilty. I haven’t asked for a single one of these things. I did mention the wood burning kit and how I was going to be saving up for it. They offered to get it for me for a “Christmas Present”. I was kinda iffy of that but said ok and thanks, because I meant it. The rest of this stuff came up out of the blue. I’m really thankful for what they’re doing but I hope this is the end of it because now I’m starting to feel like a leach.

I sent N a text tonight inviting her over to my parent’s place for Thanksgiving. Of course she refused. She’s visiting her parents (about 4 hours away) for the holiday. I’m sure they’re happy. They’ve been trying to get her out of my life for a while now. For some reason, it really hurt me deeply to know that she’s so far away. For some reason, I felt “ok” knowing that she was in the same small town as me. Now that I think about it, it’s another emotional flashback to my first ex wife who lied to me, stole my kids and ran off to California. So while my parents are spoiling the heck out of me, I’m sad. What the heck is going on with me? Why can’t I just let her move on?

It’s because I love her. I guess I’m pretty pathetic, huh?

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