DISCLAIMER: this is going to be a stream of conciousness
Which means there is not going to be a coesive narration behind this, I’ll write down everything that comes to mind about what I think and how approach my life.
This is not meant to inspire any sort of feeling, positive or negative it may be, this is just my outlook on life as of now, it might change in a year, or be the same in 20 years.
We are living in a truly woundrous age for human kind.
We have everything, if you live in a first world country of course:
Instant access to all the knowledge we are currently in possession ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅
We indeed are living in the best age for humans, but still, we are unhappy. It has been reported by several studies, what could that be caused by?
Many of my peers, me included have come to feel a general sense of unsatisfaction with our conditions as human beings, the feeling of meaninglessness, and how nothing is going to last forever.
I am not scared of dying, I have accepted it as a natural part of life, I think I have mentioned this before, but what I find unsettling is: the end of the universe, far away that might be, is inevitable.
The universe is going to end, one way or the other, and with it, everything that we as a specie will have managed to accomplish, will be meaningless, and then the question is:
If everything is eventually going to end, then why begin in the first place?
Well I think that there is no better reason to do something than “Just Because”.
I do not have to bore you with my nihilism, but I will, because I feel like doing it.
I do not have to do anything, I do not have to live, but I won’t get any other chance to do it, so better not waste this one shot at conciousness.
If i want to do something, I will do it, why?
Because I want to. Why do I want to? I don’t know, and I don’t need a reason, other than “It makes me feel good”
Why do I put myself through the struggle of losing weight although my gf is slightly against it because “I’m soft” if have a bit of belly fat?
Because I want to, because it makes me feel good, I can look at the mirror and say to myself “You did that, you put the work in and got the results”, I can be proud of myself.
Why was I the only one in my high-school class that went to University?
Because I’m not going to settle for mediocrity, because I’m not wasting this one chance.
Nothing I do is going to last past the end of the universe, nothing I do will stop this inevitability, nothing I say, nothing I think will be able to, and it’s ok.
Because it’s true that nothing will stop that, but wasting my life away, ignoring it’s beauty, ignoring what makes me feel good, won’t stop that either.
I am going to die, you my dear reader are going to die, and it’s ok, I just don’t want to die regretting I could have done more.
This took a melodramatic turn I did not foresee, although I should have had, I know I can get very romantic (as “characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality.” not like “conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.”).
If some masochist had endured so far in this entry, written by a pretentious 22 years old italian Know-it-all, let me ask you a question, to which you shall not answer to me, but you answer is your own, and you shall keep it to yourself.
“Are you satisfied with what you are?”
I was going to add an article about that bit on people being unhappy, but apparenlty I need a membership to add a link.
Now, I would make a membership, if I was sure to use this diary for the rest of my days, or even the next few years, but I don’t have that much money, and what money I have, is needed for my studies… and Netfix.. and my girlfriend, the occasional videogame I wish to gift to myself, and the occasional slice of pizza (my god how italian is this) after work.
But every article on that subject is really easy to find on google, so if you don’t feel like taking my word on this subject, feel free to check online.
The article I was going to publish was from a site called The Greater Good.