I’m still grappling with that stroke diagnosis…
The thought of having a stroke is scary. The thought of having a series of them and not knowing when it happened is even scarier.
The scariest thing is me. I have to make some major lifestyle changes–all at once. None of which I really want to do (if I’m being honest). It’s something I have to do–and I lack willpower like crazy.
This is where a sabbatical would come in handy. Lock myself in the house with no car keys, no cigarettes and only healthy food for a couple of weeks. That might do the trick. It would be a start, anyway?
You know what I really hate? When people tell me I’m “lucky” because these weren’t major strokes and I got a warning. I get what they’re saying, but I’m not really feeling lucky right now. I view this is as a shit sandwich. Sue me.
Another shit sandwich is my job. Things continue to be
slow dead. I get paid by commission, not for my time, and if this continues, it’s not going to be worth it for me–especially considering how I’ve been feeling and my limitations. I may as well stay home. I’ll give it some time but in the 21 years I’ve been doing this job, the only time I’ve seen things this bad was after 911. It’s crazy!