Irritated And Pessimistic

For whatever the reason, I would talk to Jackie on the phone for what felt like every day this past work week.  At most during a typical week, we might talk twice, though we text daily.  I guess this week was different.  I think that she wanted to vent about her current job and the department that currently employs her, both of which apparently suck big time.  For much of the past few months, she’s been going through the motions, effectively operating on muscle memory and even auto pilot at times and not really caring as much as she might have when she first started there two years ago.  As I think about it now, it has been just over two years since she left our department and made her way to Las Vegas, NV.  She was so enthusiastic then.  Now, it looks like a lot of that enthusiasm had since died and I get it too.  I don’t want to say that she hates the job, but there’s something about it that makes her dread waking up in the morning and going into her office.  I think it’s the people in her immediate work environment that bring her spirits down, which isn’t too different from my situation at my office.  Suffice it to say that she and I bonded over how much we wished that our co-workers weren’t as terrible as they are.  I have since stopped telling her that things over there will be all right, because I’d hate to come off as phony or even misleading.  Maybe things improve for her/us?  Maybe they don’t?  I don’t know.  I’d hate to fill her head with false hope though. 

Speaking of a lack of improvement, she happened to reach out to me today, for the first time since this past Tuesday.  This past Tuesday, all I would get from her would be a simple, “Good morning…”.  No frills, no thrills.  Nothing since then.  Not a damn word.  Nothing.  Today, she needed help apparently and there I go, coming to the rescue yet again.  I helped her out, as I do, but after our brief 11-minute phone call ended, I felt like absolute shit.  She constantly does this, which I suppose shouldn’t surprise me anymore.  She’ll just disappear on me, without a word to say or any warning really, for days at a time and then all of a sudden, she’ll just magically reappear when she needs something.  Not long after she resurfaces and we resume conversing (and I’m not entirely “over it”), she consistently, almost without fail, tells me that she just got “busy” and this is why she disappeared yet again.  Maybe I should find myself becoming too busy to send people text messages?  Then again and more specifically, maybe I just need to become too busy to send or respond to HER messages.  I’ve never ever been THAT busy, but apparently, she is frequently just way too busy to drop me a line, beyond that simple, “Good morning…”.  Even that “Good morning…” feels forced and comes off as disingenuous of late.  To say that I’m not feeling it would be quite the understatement.  I’m not a betting man either, but I’m willing to bet that I was not the first person she called today for help.  I’m wondering if she bothered to reach out to that effeminate Xavier first.  She talks to him all the time.  I wonder if he rescued her today.  My guess is that he didn’t because I got her call today.  Second or third fiddle, I am, and almost (of late) always when she needs something.  So much for dedicating the time and effort to maintain this friendship/relationship/connection or whatever the hell you want to call it.  I put in way too much time and effort, while she devotes little, to none.  So much for relationship equity.                                    

That live-action Lilo & Stitch movie came out this weekend and I couldn’t care less.  Meh.  Whatever.  That movie was never on my horizon when it was first announced and it sure as hell isn’t on my to-do list now.  Remember, I don’t support Disney if I can help it.  Disney is a garbage company and I will not and do not support them in any capacity.  Besides, there are a myriad of other shows and movies that I’d sooner watch over anything that Disney is doing or has done of late. 

Speaking of not wasting my time, I have decided not to devote any more time to watching “You” on Netflix.  I watched the first episode and felt that it was mediocre at best.  It didn’t draw me in and I’m not going to bother watching the second episode of Season 1.  I’m good.  I’d sooner do anything else instead.  I might start reading again.  That’s a possibility.  Then again, I still need to finish Bridgerton, so there’s that. 

Well, tomorrow is a holiday, but I’ll be working.  It’s easy overtime for me and I have a lot of work to do.  I don’t know if I do my usual 10 hours, but we’ll see how things go.      

As I tend to say, we’ll see what the coming week brings. 

I am not hopeful.  I have zero reason to be.