Just A Body That Can Multi-task
Today was somewhat of a struggle for me, but as always, I managed. I pretty much went to work and did everything I needed to do, though almost exclusively on auto pilot. I’ve been doing this job that long, to where everything was routine and reflexive. At least for me, it doesn’t require much thought or effort for me to do my job at the high level that I normally do it. That was probably for the best, being my mind was definitely elsewhere today. I had a lot on my mind today and I’d say that I spent much of the day, lost in thought and trying to make sense of things.
I don’t know how I successful I was, being that I’m still somewhat confused now as I write this. Again, I press on. I will make a promise to myself and hope to keep it. Come tomorrow, I will be over that whole damn “just a body” thing. The fact that it’s eaten me up this long is ridiculous. I’m going to be over it tomorrow because I said I will.
The sad reality is that she still doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand that what she said was so damn powerful and that it hurt even more because she blindsided me with it. Apparently, my bringing it up was a problem for her, because as she saw it, once she apologized for it, it was suddenly just supposed to disappear, lingering effects and all. Eventually she would tell me, via text message:
Let it go.
That’s very easy for her to say. No one recently told her that she was “just a body”. She also remains convinced that I called her a terrible and rotten person. I had to tell her repeatedly that I did no such thing. I had even gone so far as to tell her that I never would I do such a thing. I am well aware of the power that words can have and I wouldn’t stoop so low as to refer to her as such.
Apparently, she had also taken offense by my ability to do my work (all the while facing a deadline) and maintain a text message conversation with her. She had even gone so far as to accuse me of “flexing”, by telling her that I was able to engage in a conversation with her by text and still write the report I was working on. Call me confident that way.
I don’t need to “flex” in front of anyone for any reason.
I don’t need to waste my energy on something so trivial. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone either. As it pertains to my professional life, my writing speak for itself.
I told her that I was able to write a report and text her, if for no other reason, than to demonstrate to her that I am never too busy to where I ignore people. She always uses her being busy as an excuse for not doing things. I get it. Some people are like that. It just so happens that I am not. Individual differences again. They’re a thing and I am fully aware that they exist. Maybe I’m just cut from a different cloth, the kind of cloth that can seamlessly multi-task?
It’s not my fault that I was even hurled into that situation, but apparently Christina saw that this report needed to be written. She wanted it done properly and she ultimately asked me to write it. As I do, I rose to the challenge and handled it. This is one of those situations, I suppose, where Christina went to her best person and asked him for a favor. I’m always more than willing to oblige.
Strangely enough, I’m not done with that report, but if I had to put a percentage of completion on it, I’d say that I’m about 90% done with it. I told Christina that it would be done in the morning, before she even gets into the office. I damn near guaranteed it, which maybe I shouldn’t have, but a deal’s a deal and my word is my word. In recognizing that I need time to do my absolute best and turn in the kind of quality product that I know I’m capable of, I will be going into the office an hour earlier than I already do.
Yes, I will be trickling into the office tomorrow morning at 3:40am. I know that in giving myself that extra hour, my report will be done to my satisfaction, but also to the high standards that I always strive for. This means that I’ll also be going to bed an hour earlier than usual. In recognizing this current time constraint, I still wanted to take the time and write an entry before bedtime. Being that this entry is nearly complete, I’d say that I accomplished my mission.
Writing is my life apparently, both for work and even now in my leisure time. I find writing to be especially relaxing and it can actually be quite soothing most nights when I write before I go to bed. Sometimes, it can even be therapeutic.
Because I came home, ate a small dinner, and then hopped on this computer to write this entry, I don’t have much time for anything else tonight since I’ll be headed to bed soon. Such is my life right now, but I don’t complain about it. For this immediate moment in time, it’s what I have to do and I’m looking forward to the challenge of getting up even earlier than I already do. I know that getting up at 2:45am will definitely not become my normal. That’s for damn sure.
Good night, everyone.