Missing Mama

Mom would have turned 74-years old today.  Mom was never the type to want to celebrate her birthday anyway, but I still keep count.  I make it a thing.  I still commemorate the day, even though she hasn’t been alive to celebrate or acknowledge the day since 2018.  I don’t know for how long I’ll do this.  Maybe until her 80th birthday.  90th?  I can’t readily say, though even I don’t believe that she would have made it to 90.  Very few of us will.  Either way, I still miss Mom.  This is still a loss and after almost seven years, it still resonates.  May 28th will always be her birthday and I will always be her firstborn.  Those are just facts.      

I took most of the day off today.  I probably could have done a full day of work, but the reality is that I didn’t want to be around the majority of my co-workers.  The majority of them already irritate me on those days when I’m not mourning, so I didn’t want to risk becoming fully upset by being around those people I already can’t stand.  Mom knows how I am.  She would have encouraged me to leave for the day as well.  Even in death, I’m still listening to Mom.   

Last week, I learned that Yare also happens to share a birthday with Mom, so I decided to stop by and wish Yare a Happy Birthday in person.  A part of me wants to say that she wasn’t surprised by the gesture, though I truly believe that she appreciated it just the same.  She strikes me as the kind of person who doesn’t over-hype her birthday, which I kind of like.  I think that there’s a certain humility to it.  Yare probably had enough sick time and vacation time to not even go into work today, but there she was.  She went to work anyway.  She loves her job.  She’s definitely one of the last people I would consider lazy.       

Today will come and go and tomorrow will soon be upon us.  Mom will still be gone, but I’ll continue to move forward.  That’s pretty much how it’s been since she died in October 2018 and that’s how it’s going to be until the day I die. 

I will still continue to think about Mom, today and every day.  That will never change.