Opportunity Lost, Time Wasted

I’m hardly ever upset.  Very rarely do I allow things to get to me.  I don’t get mad very often, if at all. 

As I write this, I am livid.  Absolutely livid.               

I suppose it all started off as frustration, but that frustration would eventually boil over into full-blown anger, which is where it currently remains. 

At work, we’re always expected to be in some kind of training.  We’re always supposed to be learning something, trying to improve upon how we do our jobs.  Sharpening our skills.  Getting better at doing our jobs.  Learning new things even.  I get all of that.  It’s all about constant growth and improvement.    

What I also tend to look out for is relevance.  If I’m going to sit through any kind of class or training session, I would prefer that it be something that is relevant to the actual job that I perform.  What I don’t want to do is waste my time sitting through an educational session and not have it be related to anything that I do at work. 

For nearly four and a half hours today, that’s exactly what I did. 

From 9am until 1:25pm, I contemplated life.  I questioned many of my life decisions up to that point.  I wondered if there was any chance that the building would spontaneously catch fire.  I wondered how it was that only my day would be ruined.  None of the other people in my work group were mandated to be in that training.  It was just me and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why.  It’s not as though their work is somehow more important than mine and what I do.  Today’s training was more relevant to what they do anyway.           

Without going into the excruciating details, I’ll try to dummy it down a bit because I would prefer not to complicate this. 

My job entails that I do X, Y, and Z.  There are obviously certain responsibilities that are beyond my scope of practice and I am fully aware of what I’m not allowed to do and what I’m not supposed to be doing.  In this regard, I know to stay in my proverbial lane and I know my role.  I know what my job is and I do it well.  Again, X, Y, and Z.  That’s what I do.    

Today’s training session was regarding A, B, C, 1, 2, and 3.  Essentially stuff that I don’t do and nothing that I was supposed to learn how to do after today’s training session ended.  As far as relevance goes, this training was not in the slightest bit relevant to me, my job, or even my life.  If there was ever a wasted day in my professional life, today would definitely be it. 

I have way too much going on at work, to where I don’t need to languish in irrelevant training sessions.  There’s so much more I could have been doing, but instead, the powers that be decided that I need to waste a good chunk of my day in a training class that truthfully, I had no business being a part of. 

I could have gone today and had my blood work done instead.  But no, because of that useless training, I had to put off that blood work until tomorrow morning.  I’ll be fasting tonight, which itself does not bother me, but the fact that I wasn’t able to go today still bothers me.  Today was a complete fucking waste. 

For whatever the reason, it just feels as though I don’t have any more support in the office like I once did.  Nearly everyone I thought I could trust has either betrayed that trust or has simply vanished from my life, without a single fucking trace.      

There was a time many, many years ago where I kept to myself, hid my personality, and became a sort of recluse.  I am seriously considering reverting back to that version of me, because as funny as it sounds, I was so much happier then when I was like that.      

This all might sound especially dramatic, but with the way I feel right now, my first inclination is to just distance myself from people and just focus on getting my work done.  I can do my job without interacting with people in the office as it is, so it’s definitely doable. 

I’ve done it before and it worked out wonderfully.

I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day because I would hate to relive another lousy like today proved to be.  I was not productive today, not in the slightest. 

Tomorrow will be better.  It has to be.