Hoops Writing Club: 4th Assignment

This was a very interesting assignment, one where we had to name our characters and have their personalities match their names. I think I’ve done this rather well, but you’ll have to be the judge of that. This might seem a little confusing, but any and all feedback is welcome. I will offer a warning, there is a little harsh language in this story… so if you don’t like some certain four letter words, I’d pass on this entry.

Take care, and enjoy!


One by one they strolled into the room, shuffling over to seats that were designated especially for them. The table they sat at was round and every seat was identical, which was done to suggest equality at the table amongst everyone who sat there. When everyone had finally arrived, a door was closed and locked before the meeting finally started. Seven men sat there for a moment, waiting to see who would be the first to speak. They say there quietly for a moment, shifting in their seats before someone finally took the initiative. “You know why we’re all here. There’s no point wasting time.”

“Says the man who postponed the last meeting.” Another man immediately snapped back. “This powwow is a week late if you ask me.”

“No one was asking you, Red.” the first man replied.

“I don’t wait for a question to state the obvious.” Red replied. “So fuck you and horse you rode in on, you self righteous sack of shit.”

“Hey.” Another member at the table countered. “You need to apologize.”

“You’re right.” Red agreed. “I should apologize to all sacks of shit out there; at least they provide fertilizer and serve a purpose.”

“I think he meant you owe Orange an apology.” The same man said as he refused to back down. “Your comments are out of order.”

“I think you people are out of order!” Red said as he slammed a fist into the table. “The time for action was last week! I’m not going to apologize for having the minerals to tell things the way I see them!”

“He’s right.” A man beside Red nervously replied. “We should have convened about this last week.”

“See.” Red said as he was eager to jump all over that statement. “Even Blue here agrees with me, which is saying something considering his demeanour.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Orange replied as he brushed off what Blue said. “The fact is we’re here now to discuss what happened.”

“I personally could use more time to think about it.”

Red was having none of that. “Not happening, Yellow, so would you please do us all a favour and finally grow a pair?”

“I’m not the only one who believes that.” Yellow said. “Just as Purple and Green.”

“I’m not asking anyone!” Red replied as he was losing his temper, again. “This incident occurred on our watch and the longer we wait to respond the weaker we’re going to look to everyone else!”

“So what do you suggest we do?” Purple asked.

“I’m not entirely sure.” Red honestly answered. “The only thing I’m one hundred percent sure we shouldn’t do is nothing.”

“I agree.” Blue replied. “But we need to be careful about that.”

“We should review what happened.” Purple added. “Then we can brainstorm over what should be done.”

Red seemed very impatient, but even he seemed okay with that. “Let’s roll the tape. Some of you pussies need to relive this to get fired up about it.”

The room went dark and they started watching a video on the screen at the back of the room. They were from the perspective of a man who was cleaning up his house. After tidying up the living room, he went to the computer to check his mail. Turns out that his fiancé left the browser open on facebook and rather than log out of the program, he browsed around her account and even snooped into her conversations. In there he spotted a conversation between his fiancé and a man she used to date several years ago. In there was details about an affair that had been going on for almost a year. His fiancé was cheating on him.

“Freeze video.” Red called out. “This is all the evidence we need. This cunt has been sleeping around on us and we need to end things right now. We should have called her last week and dumped her ass.”

“I disagree.” Orange retorted. “She’s visiting her mom who is ill. That would have been disrespectful.”

“And fucking around on your fiancé isn’t?” Red retorted. “We should have called that lying hoe, ended things and then changed the locks before she got back into town.”

“What do you suggest we do?” Blue asked.

“Red is right about one thing.” Orange said as he took his glasses off and massaged the temple of his nose. “We do need to do something.”

“We’ve had a week to review the evidence.” Red called out. “This relationship is over. We need to break up with Cindy.”

“I’m still not sure about that.” Purple replied.

“This is as clear cut as it gets!” Red said as he opened up a folder and started waving piece of paper in the air. “June 23rd, the day Cindy said she went to the mall with her girlfriends. She was really at a hotel with that turd and fucked his brains out for ten hours! August 17th, she claimed to be going to a movie with her sister and she went to see a concert with this guy. I’m also betting they made out in either the bathroom or the car on the way back. September 21st…”

“That’s enough.” Blue called out. “We know the evidence. It’s overwhelming.”

“That’s my point!” Red roared back. “This should have ended last week. Why are we even debating this? Cindy is a no good slut that has shown us absolutely no loyalty what so ever.”

“I don’t know.” Yellow said with a hint of fear. “Are we going to be able to find someone new that’s as good as Cindy?”

“I don’t know about you guys.” Green answered. “But that’s a genuine concern.”

“We should be fine.” Orange said. “We’ve got some potential replacements already pre-selected. There are some girls at work that have been flirting with us for a while. We have remained loyal to Cindy but those advances were logged for future reference.”

“I agree with Orange.” Red concurred. “After we dump Cindy, we should be all over Courtenay like government money on a bad idea…”

“I agree.” Green chimed up. “Courtenay gets my vote.”

“She gets my vote too.” Red agreed. “As a matter of fact, if we don’t ask Courtenay out for dinner by the end of the month, I’m going to personally pimp slap every one of you mother-fuckers.”

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Black.” Orange called out. “What do you think?”

Everyone turned to face the one person who hadn’t spoken up yet. Black had been observing quietly and rarely said much to begin with. “We need to confront Cindy with the evidence and see how she responds. We have invested a lot of time into this endeavor, so it would be unwise to at least see if there is a chance we can save it. But anything short of an apology with full remorse and we toss that bitch to the curb.”

“When does she return home from her trip home?” Yellow asked.

“Not for another four days.” Purple answered.

“Then at least we have more time to think about how we want to approach this.” Orange said as he seemed confident. “We will needto come up with a few statements to make sure we handle this confrontation with dignity. That means we’ll get Green and Blue to write up some statements for review at our next meeting.”

“Is that all?” Red asked, sounding rather frustrated.

“This seems like the reasonable decision.” Orange answered. “What else do you suggest we do?”

“The vase.” Red quickly suggested. “Destroy it.”

There was a loud murmur after the suggestion was made.

“I don’t know about that.” Purple said as he was the first to respond.

“Are you sure that’s necessary?” Blue asked.

“Her grandmother bought that for her a year before she passed away.” Yellow pleaded.

“We all hate that ugly piece of shit.” Red answered. “If we don’t dump that lying skank, we’ll just tell her we accidentally bumped into it while vacuuming the carpet. I’m not leaving here until we break something!”

Orange pondered the suggestion and looked over at Black, who nodded back to signal his approval. “All right. We’ll destroy the vase.”

“Yes!” Red roared with approval as he did his best Freddie Mercury fist pump.

Everyone one turned back to the screen and watched with delight as the person whose eyes they were looking through picked up the vase and tossed it against the wall. It shattered into what looked like a billion pieces and scattered all over the floor. Everyone in the room cheered and clapped.

“It’s a shame we don’t fucking smoke.” Red said as he let out a big sigh. “Cause that was almost as good as sex.”

“That’s it.” Orange called out. “No more damage until she gets back.”

“All right.” Red replied. “But I make no promises if she says something stupid or demeaning during the confrontation.”

“Understood.” Orange said as he turned to everyone else. “This meeting is adjourned. We’ll meet back again in three days before Cindy returns and will observe during the confrontation.”

The men at the table all stood up and shook hands and even mingled amongst themselves before finally leaving the room to resume their usual duties.

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Great job, as usual. This is a very interesting take on the prompt. Almost a Reservoir Dogs kind of take. My only knock (and this is going to seem really ironic for me to say this considering the next prompt) but I think you’re a bit heavy on the dialogue in the beginning. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a hard time getting into a story that is dialogue heavy on the front end without a little more narration. But that could be an entirely personal thing so don’t take too much from it. All-in-all, well done.

April 4, 2013

RYN: Thanks…got the job today, so that’s a help. 🙂

I like this story a lot. The color names were fun and an instant in for the reader (I rather enjoyed imagining them as the levels on the threat alert scale). I do feel like the first half is a little Red-heavy, and I would like to see a bit more balance in the color voices, but otherwise, this was a fun experiment in dialogue.

April 18, 2013

very cool take on the prompt! i didn’t have a problem following the story. the only thing that i was curious about was what emotion purple was supposed to be? red was anger, yellow was shy, ect, and green was envy? i just think those less obvious personalities should be more pronounced. unless i totally read that wrong and thats not what you were going for? anyways, i liked it. 🙂