Ted Mosby’s mom once said that ‘nothing good comes after 2 AM.’ Don’t make decisions, don’t do anything. Just get some shut eye and deal with it tomorrow.
I am wired differently, and midnight is just as bad for me.
Last night will perhaps forever remain a mystery.
I do not understand why we did…those things. It was foolish to bring my drunk best friend to my bed. We talked for hours at the beginning. When silence finally signaled us to sleep, we did otherwise.
The night was long. I forced myself to sleep. But the alcohol in my system kept yanking me to consciousness. There was a cold, soft hand wandering under my shirt. Our pulses were audible and strong. I did nothing to stop this. Maybe I wanted this to happen. Maybe I was too scared to reject. I felt vulnerable.
After we woke up in the morning, we were still hungover but everything went on as if nothing happened. I thought we finally had something. So, was it the alcohol? I refused to believe such, not after the topic of us being ‘perfect together’ kept resurfacing during our lengthy conversation the night before.
I just wanted to know what our relationship truly is.
I don’t want to lose my best friend because of this incident.
Maybe I should apologize. But then, we act as if nothing is wrong.
At this moment, I still feel the chill of having my personal space invaded. To tell the truth, I want more. I’ve never been so close to another human being before. Up until now, I’ve eaten nothing but breakfast. I feel nauseous. I don’t want to eat, but I’m hungry.
I thought I was the logical type. But now I find myself being a slave to my emotions. It’s hard to tell– whether I am depressed, longing, guilty, and whatnot. I’ve never been in this damn awkward situation before.
…I guess I’ll eat. Luther will be coming to visit in a while per my request. I hope he’ll help me sort this out.