A Better Mood But I Don’t Want Pity

Earlier  when I wrote I felt like dying, crying, screaming, anything to make myself feel better. Let’s just say I felt so fat and ugly, just plain hideous. Since then I have been good and bad. I confronted her about how she was making me feel and she went in a mood. I asked her what she is ashamed of and she denied being ashamed of anything and said it’s because of her family that she acts this way in general. After being told that I didn’t believe her so I ran off to the bathroom to calm down and locked myself in there. Then I did something I have not done in a VERY VERY VERY   long time. I made myself sick. Over and over and over again until nothing but stomach acid came up, only then did I realize what I was doing to myself was wrong and that there is a chance that I need to check myself into therapy again. However  I managed to get through a time where I felt like curling up to die without self – harming, considering how I felt  and where I was, I think I’ve done well by not cutting or OD-ing.  Many of you by this stage are think “this girl is pathetic and whiny” but, I have proved to myself  that everyday that I face my demons without SH/SI/OD etc… I become a stronger person for doing it and yes I need help but I will get that in my own damn time.

~*~ x ~*~

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August 28, 2006

I’m proud of you, it would be of been tough to be crying, locked up in your washroom with hurting yourself. Good job though.

August 28, 2006

i dont’ think you’re pathetic or whiny. shit, and even if you do anything that is “pathetic” and whine till the cows come home, it’s YOUR diary and you should be able to. don’t feel like you have to defend yourself. I do it all the damn time and I hate it. hell, i know i’m insane, so waht if people don’t like it. they can say what they will. and *huggzz* i know how overwhelming things can be…

this is really random lol but what you wrote for your location “pretty in ink” is really creative, I like it.