Day 12

Well at day 12 again, feeling good.  I haven’t been tempted at all to drink.  Nicole is still not talking to me.  I think she is waiting to see if I can go a month without the beer.  I can, and I will.  I am very serious about not drinking again, I throughly don’t like it.

I went by Nicole’s house the other night, I left her roses and a card with a note telling her how much I miss her and how sorry I was for messing up.  I also made  her a cd I made of love songs.  She didn’t answer the door when I came by, even though I knew she was home.   I guess she needs more time before she can talk to me again.  I don’t know.  Unless she just doesn’t want to see me ever again, but I don’t think that is true, because her last email said how much she cared for me, but she needed some time in order to see if I was serious about quitting the drink.

It is just a matter of me not drinking, which is easy.  I just know if I do drink, I have a very difficult time limiting myself.  So the solution is to not drink which is not difficult at all because I don’t like drinking anyway.  I don’t know why I did it.  I mean, I liked the social scene that revolves around drinking, but I can just as easily have a conversation with somebody who has a beer while I drink Ice tea or something.  I don’t like the buzz you get with alcohol it increasingly distrorts reality and makes you lose more and more control.  The next day you feel like hell..  why would I want to get involved in that again?

If it wasn’t for my slip up that has caused so much grief in my life I would be almost at a month sober now.  But instead I am at Day 12 for the second time.

I really miss her. 

Music of the Moment:  Massive Attack – Essential Mix
Today I Feel: Relaxed.