The leaves have started to change to that deep color before they fall away paving way for a new life. We mourn them differently. Leaves falling is seen as a celebration, a shedding of the old to make way for the new. Couples walking down park pathways taking in deep breaths of hot chocolate hoping it warms them to last through winter. The world full of richness for a few days before the wind takes it all away creating the crunch beneath our feet. We keep on living as the world drifts away. It’s okay though because we will get to watch the return of the leaves and the rebirth of the world in the spring. But we spend all winter wondering, what awaits us when the world thaws? What did we forget as the world froze?
I’ve spent many hours the last two months working two jobs. One I’m essentially alone for five to eight hours a day. The mental fortitude needed to work there is proving something I’m not quite sure I’m strong enough for. I spent the most time pondering if I finally have lost my mind there. I guess only time will tell. The other while I spend my shift in my department alone, there are at least other departments that stop by or I stop by there’s and conversations can happen. They say winter will drive everyone indoors so we will see. I hope so. I just worry about my mental state.
I’m okay. I think. Everything is a blur these days, crying has slowed down. But there are lots of other questions left to answer as fall draws to it’s close and winter arrives. I hope it’s snowy. I miss the snow. I miss the cold and the warmth from a hug or a nice comfy coat.