I’m so tired of arguing and crying. I’m tired of feeling like everyone around me is looking for a reason to just leave. I’m tired of my accomplishments being belittled or not even recognized for what they are. When I am proud of actually being close to finishing a scarf I started over a year ago, that’s a big deal. I don’t need sass of well if you spent more then two minutes a day working on it, it would be done by now. The person who is supposed to always support me not doing it, it just well sucks. I don’t have an elegant way to say it nor do I really want to today anyway. I just am in so much pain and want to scream and cry. I have for days now. And he doesn’t even care, he just wants to keep making rude comments about things I try to mention that I’m proud of. Then feels offended when I call him on it.
I’m tired, so tired. Tired of building everyone else up. Tired of holding myself together. Tired of trying to make sure no one else is falling apart while neglecting myself. I can’t say it though or post it anywhere. Because I don’t want the people I’m hurting over to know. Because surely I will get better, surely all this will pass. Right? But at the same time, I want them to ask and have the hard conversations. But I know what will happen. I will recoil back into my shell and take on the blame and not remind any of them about the blame that is also on them in this. Because I can’t stand others taking on burdens that maybe they shouldn’t have to carry anyway. So I guess I’m just going to get more tired and cry more. Because I don’t know what else to do.
When a candle starts to dim, do you squish the flame out or let it slowly burn away till nothing is left but the steam of the wick?