Issues

I feel like I have so many but I’m starting to realize they all come from my childhood and not feeling like I belonged or I was loved. I know deep down that my parents love me. But I think because of my weight I never felt quite like I was enough. I remember little comments like, “That makes you look too big”, “You shouldn’t wear that it doesn’t look good on you”. I sort of recall always feeling like I was never quite good enough. Sure I was smart, I got good grades, I never got into trouble but I was never quite what my parents wanted.

Because of this I over react, I think the slightest little thing will make anyone run away. I mean why would anyone want to be with me? It would just be easier to disappear than to work through issues with me. To help me heal. No one should have to help someone heal those cracks.

I know I have a lot of work to do to fully love myself. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved myself, which is so sad. But I’m starting.

Edit: I should note that I had a gastric sleeve last year… 11 months ago and as I said to a friend today. It’s like shedding all of this fat has made me infinitely more vulnerable.