I have to stop and think – what do I want to write? I have been sitting at my computer wanting to write, but not knowing what to write. My mind drifts a lot more than it used to; I have lost the ability to concentrate.
I drift back to things that annoy me way too much, and that seems a pathetic reason to write. But perhaps that is what is getting in the way – I don’t know. I do not know where to begin any more, so I suppose I will just write.
I keep trapping myself in my own mind in various ways and have a hard time coming back up for air. I feel lost and I do not know when that started to happen. I do not know why I am lost, nor do I know where I am going.
I find it appropriate that right before winter break I started Jonathan Livingston Seagull with my senior class, and when we return we will be reading Siddhartha. I love both of these novels and I find that they resonate really well with my Seniors; where they are right now and where they are doing.
I teach these novels because I love them. But right now I feel a disconnect – perhaps I need to really read them again with my classes and talk about where I am right now as well. This is a class of kids that I really trust so perhaps it will mean more to them that I share my own journey, my own failings – as it stands I am not afraid to tell them most of the truth (leaving out the super low points which would scare them in too many ways).
Going back to Siddhartha, since I am on winter break I can easily read the whole thin in a matter of hours, but what would I get out of it of I did so? I am a fast reader and I still absorb everything from a story if I am reading one that is worthwhile. I have been reading utter crap recently and need to get back to reading good books.
Looping backwards yet again – for some reason I have it in my head that I should read a chapter or two a day, and reflect and write. Maybe that is a start, that is somewhere at least.