Dealing with depression

     We all get sad from time to time, and it is often justified.  When someone we love dies, when a major change for the worse occurs, these are normal times to be "depressed."  What makes the difference between melancholy and depression?  Is it length of symptoms?  Depth of depression?  Speaking from experience on the subject I feel it is a combination of the two.  I was mildly depressed with no sign of a break for the better part of a year.  It actually surprised people to find out that I was bi-polar not major depressive disorder.  What did this do to me?  It was like having a flu for six months straight.

     Every muscle in my body aching, straining to get out of bed in the morning, going to work and feeling nothing but pain.  That, of course, puts you on edge and you have to work extra hard not to take out your agitation on them.  This is a feat that requires being able to tell why you are upset, knowing why when you are triggered you behave the way you do–and that why you think you are angry may not even be really why you are angry.

     Walking that emotional tight-rope when you are already feeling fractured and fragile is no minor task taking what little energy you had to work with and using it so you are left completely raw and exposed with no choice but seek shelter as a hermit crab does.

     Perhaps this is why sleep tends to become so disrupted.  Though I have heard of depression causing insomnia in some people it is my experience that the opposite is true (for myself and those I know who suffer from any illness with a depressive swing).  You choose to sleep–not only to refuel your energy, which while depressed is next to impossible to begin with–to remove yourself from the emotional circus you are ill prepared to deal with.  If you are sleeping you can’t become agitated at people, you don’t have to put on a tough face and pretend to be strong, you can simply escape your thoughts.

     So then, what advice to I give those attempting to help those who sleep all day, who isolate, who are depressed?  Do try and get them out of bed, if even only to check the mail, if only to watch a TV show with you.  Realize, also, that they can’t "snap out of it," or "get with the program."  They are broken, and it takes time to heal.  Remember that they may not be up for an extended period of time, and even if you get them out of the house for a (small) outing, they may not be "there."  Don’t force the issue–it is good enough that they are out of the house.  Sleeping is the worst, watching TV all day is pretty bad, going out absently is better, being present in a moment outside of the home is best.

     I recall when I was in college and out of the hospital for the first time I refused to leave my dorm room for anything except to sneak out at awkward times to feed myself when absolutely needed.  My hall mates were genuinely good people and forced me out of my room on several occasions, I kicked, I screamed, (not literally).  I was in my own world when I was out, but I was out.  Being surrounded by people who cared, and showed that they cared, eventually made me want to open up to them about my feelings.  They never forced the issue, and only made me as uncomfortable as I needed to be in order to be safe.

     Love them like a friend, but remember, someone with depression can be as easy to grasp as a greased weasel.

Read more on my thoughts regarding mental illness here.

–RK