“self aware”

I don’t know what the meaning of mindfulness is. I mean I know it’s like something to do with bieng conscious. Is it like being self aware or is that different? I don’t know but I’m just gonna write.

A few days ago I felt like I woke up and saw a reflection of me scrolling and scrolling and scrolling on tik toks. My neck nearly broken from my head being down. I see these fake deep posts about people being on their phones too much but I, in all seriousness, rarely look up. If i’m not on my phone im playing games im watching a movie. sometimes I draw sometimes I journal but 80% of my time since iv’e had a phone was spent on screens. Its crazy to me. I felt sick to my stomach. being self aware isn’t being wise, its painful. It pushes you to change but the system isn’t built to help and here you are. Aware, and lost with no choice but to find a solution and god it is exhausting. this is truly exhausting. 

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August 28, 2022

If you haven’t read Thich Nhat Hanh I would highly recommend “The Miracle of Mindfulness” as a starting point. He really explains mindfulness and how to use it very well. I’ve tried to explain it to friends and failed miserably because I think it’s a different feeling for everyone…when it was explained to me I didn’t get it but when I was able to be present enough to stop an anxiety attack I knew I was on to something.

November 21, 2022

I would rather journal than be on my phone. There are lots of different journals you can do.