Hello World 💗😊
I’ll start off my saying if you understand the reference in the title you are automatically my friend
Its a Ranboo quote! 😂 and you can probably see my happiness deteriorate a bit throughout writing this ✌
I have a lot of things to rant about in this post;
So I have to take my Biology & Physics GCSEs in July and although I’m smart and knowledgably prepared for it I have like a huge phobia of exams and just the thought of having to do them makes me fucking cry or have an anxiety attack. My brain basically refuses of know things , half of the time my brain shuts down and doesn’t let me absorb information and then I stress and then I want to cry and half the time I pretend its not happening because I need to pull myself together but it honestly makes me feel so fucking dumb because its like suddenly everything I have ever learnt makes no sense. And I just can’t wrap my head around how I’m ever going to manage to pass my GCSEs which I need to do to actually even go towards getting my dream job.
I’m becoming a numb little bug who doesn’t give a fuck about life anymore, music is my only escape. When I’m depressed I don’t look after myself, my room becomes a dumping ground, I don’t brush my hair or teeth I don’t wash my face, and people who don’t know that just think I’m lazy and I’m not lazy I’m just struggling. I like to suffer alone and people love to interrupt that trying to make me happier which just makes me annoyed. This song, this song is my mental state – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l0Oo95Ps0Y
Its nearly fucking Christmas again I’m still processing the last 2 years, days move to fast, life moves too fast, I don’t know what to remember, what to feel, what to believe.
I have to move house again next year and I can’t decide whether to be relived because its a fresh start or stressed out of my mind because I hate getting rid of things an I hate change.
My dog is quite ill again and my mum is really worried, I’m trying to be really worried, and I feel so guilty that I don’t, I don’t know why I don’t, I’m just so used to this, I’m just not feeling anything about it…
I go through waves of being extatically happy, fine, really depressed/anxious or just… kinda nothing. It’s exhausting.
*Insert good segway here* Completely unrelated;
My once best friend and I are drifting apart because they really really like me and I used to like him back, now I don’t. They’re a simp and its really hard to deal with when you don’t like them back. They are also really depressed right now which was fine when I was somewhat mentally stable but I can’t look after him and myself, I just really need a break but I don’t know how to do that.
I’m not usually this open Jesus Christ. 😂😅😭
Ripley Out x