If There Is Anything I Can Do…

May 29th 2018, 10:14Pm

Home, Bradford.

It has been a troubling time. My family and I are recovering from my eldest daughter having to spend over a week in hospital. Nothing seriously alarming, but enough that she had to receive IV antibiotics for quite a few days, which meant we couldn’t go very far. It is in times of crisis such as this that I remember what at great team my wife and I are. I stayed at the hospital every night with our eldest while she held the fort at home looking after the other two. Fortunately it looks like my eldest has made a good recovery, she was able to go back to school for the last few days of the half-term and even managed to make enough of a menace of herself that I placed her on the ‘naughty step’ today. She will have to have some tests and checks done in the coming months but for now everything is okay so we are going to make the most of it and enjoy this half-term.

Times like that help to sharpen your sense of perspective. For those days my little girl was in hospital, being with her and making sure she got better were all I could think about. In the odd moments I checked my phone it seemed that all the world cared about was whether or not a robot voice was saying ‘Yanny’ or ‘Laurel’ or who the designer of Meghan Markle’s wedding dress might be. I realised that a lot of the things I have been stuffing my time with to give myself a sense of being ‘busy’ are just garbage. The things that make me happy are keeping a happy family and a good home, doing my job well and having a handful of hobbies. I need to stop caring so much about what other people think and at the same time let go of wanting other people to care about me. At the end of the day I have my family, who are all of the people that I need. But all of that is easier said than done and requires a lot of mental reprogramming.

Another lesson learned from these past weeks is that I need to not take it personally or get hurt when people say ‘If there is anything I can do…’ without meaning it. I won’t go into specifics but there were three times in the past month where people (including close family or friends) said that to me, then came up short when I asked them for something. My wife says I am not being fair on other people and have unfairly high expectations when I hold them to such high account for saying something that is basically just an expression that people say. She is probably right.

I have noticed a few improvements to OpenDiary which have made it easier for me to go back through my archive to look at my old entries dating back to when I was 16. It is already privatised and I was going to delete the lot, but there is some material in there that has merit and I think I would like to remain here into the future. Sifting through it is proving to be a monumental task, especially in my teenage years when I could write several entries a day! I have not even finished looking to the end of my first month on OpenDiary and can already see what a vulnerable young man I was. I can also see that I managed to pass my GCSE’s without being able to use basic punctuation or correctly spell the word ‘February.’

Tomorrow I am taking my wife out on a date so we can take stock together for a few hours and this weekend I am meeting my brother and Mum in Liverpool to have a look at the Chinese Teracotta warriors one of their museums has borrowed. A handful of 2200 year-old pot dolls are of little interest to me, but time with my Mum and brother is truly precious now that we all live so far apart so I am determined to enjoy it. Like I said, I need to make sure to get my priorities right.

Log in to write a note
May 29, 2018

Didn’t know a museum in Liverpool had some Teracotta Warriors.  I’m now jealous of you.

Glad your eldest is feeling better.