December 3rd 2018, 7:39Pm
I’m struggling a bit tonight. It was an alright evening to start with. After an okay day at work I put the kids to bed, read a bit of ‘Christmas Carol’, tidied up. Then Mum rang. She told me several things, most too personal for me to talk about here in any depth, but the main problem is that it looks like my Dad will be out of hospital tomorrow and she is terrified. I advised her against giving my Dad money, because all he will do is spend it on drink and we will find ourselves back in this position or worse before long. Unfortunately, my brother has told my Mum that this is illegal as it is ‘coercive control’ and Dad has a right to drink himself to death and she will get arrested if she tries to stop him. So it is very likely Mum will be giving him money within a few days and the people of Ribble Valley will have a yellowskinned drunken madman driving around their parish ready for arrest or death.
It is a feeling of utter powerlessness, a feeling that the world around you is going mad and there is nothing you can do to stop it. A feeling that makes you just want to give up on your own family and say ‘fuck this, call me when he is arrested or dead.’ then leave them to their madness.
I wish I could be posting an entry ranting about queues at the supermarket again. Maybe tomorrow. Let’s give today up as a bad job, get an early night, then see what it brings.