growing a back bone

I wanna get better. I want to work on my mental health. my college classes just ended and I did really good on my finals. I am proud of myself. I realized the job that I am currently working is making me depressed because its bitch work so I decided to quit. I have to start doing things for me. I was scared to at first because she’s a family friend but I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’ve been working for two months now and I dread it everyday. I have to watch kids. cook for them. do the dishes and each class is 20-30 kids. its very hectic and gives me back pain. but its the only job my dad would let me work during the pandemic so I needed it. and the thing is, its not a daily job. its based on event Ive gone 3 weeks not stepping foot there and no pay. im going to keep the job for now but I am trying to get another job at a physical therapy. I believe I would be more happy there and it is a consistent job. I need to buy a lot of things that my parents simply don’t think I need. but they don’t understand I am a teenager and I need that little bit of indolence in my life. I am also proud of myself for coming to this conclusion. I always talk about how I hate my life but maybe its time I try change the things I hate about it so much. back to my job real quick. another reason why I hate it is because my boss is so fucking unprofessional. I sent in my hours for the week to get paid and also wanted to have a quick chat about something and she read my text and didn’t answer. I assumed she might be busy but its a whole 24 hours since. that is literally so rude. like I am your employee who you claim you love and blah blah. like the least you can do is answer my damn text….. guys I really want to be happy. like actually happy. I’ve been depressed for about two years now. I don’t know what keeps me going but something is. I don’t know what the reason is but I refuse to end it all. maybe its my faith. I am destined to make my life better and finally end all this. I feel like im mentally prepared. I know it won’t all end though until I get a car. my own car is my gateway to my own freedom. no more running on other peoples time. I always have to ask my sisters for their cars and one of them is so generous with hers but at the end of the day it is her car and when she needs it, its all hers. which I completely understand. my dad is going to start looking for a car for me soon. I cannot wait. I want a jeep Cherokee trail hawk in black. he said he would get it for me. all my sisters drive jeeps. my dad works with cars so he gets them for amazing deals and he’s a mechanic. he’s an entrepreneur. he buys sells fixes. its an advantage.


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