There’s a certain pain in acknowledging why a result isn’t realized and still not fully understanding how to realize it.
What I am afraid of is that I could have an outline placed in front of me. Each step
plotted and planned
and I would still
naive and indifferent, and have no idea what it all means. What I do know is that the other party suffers the same affliction but with different affectors. Regardless and beyond that
the lack of point
has brought it all to this place
and this moment
of multi-faceted, unhinged clarity. Either I move towards this or I don’t. Despite assurances and implications of otherwise
there are reactions
to this plot instance
I just want to find a melody to hum into the negative spaces of my brain. But it is all frenetic and perplexing, like a fever dream that will not break upon reality.
Too far down this path is another abyss
My pants are
dragging beneath my shoes and I can no longer feel the floor.