It’s only day two
Good morning. I miss your good mornings. I always looked forward to your good mornings. They made me smile. In my heart I believe that somebody else is getting my good mornings. I’m heartbroken. 💔 I miss you, I miss you every second of every day. You filled my heart only to break it. I hate this. I hate breaking down into tears sporadically all day long. I hate the sad look on my face, even when I’m trying to hide it, I can see it. I know that with time, this will pass. I know that with time I won’t miss you as much and I’ll wear a smile on my face.
Do I fear I’ll never meet someone like you again. Absolutely. You’ll never meet someone like me, that’s guaranteed. I’m slowly deleting our pictures because I just can’t look at them anymore.
Do I think you were talking to someone else? I’m so conflicted about this. In my heart, the answer is yes. Your words are so convincing that you weren’t. They still make me second guess myself. But your actions and your reaction tell me that my gut is most likely right. I wish there was a way to confirm this – I know it would help me move forward and trust myself.
Why haven’t you blocked me on IG? I hate that I check it God knows how many times a day. I’ll die when you decide to unfollow me. That’s our last connection. I know I’ll have to unfollow you in time. I’ll obsess over it.
It’s only the second day of not having you in my life and I’m so miserable. I pray that today is a better day and that the tears stop flowing as much. I don’t like being so melancholy like this. It’s not me.
Deniz. Words cannot describe how much I loved you. As a person, your soul, your eyes, your smile, your beard, your smell. Everything. I feel like you’ll always have a piece of my heart and my heart will ache when I think about you.
I want to send this to you so badly. I won’t. I can’t. Opening wounds will never help them heal. I just don’t believe that you understood my side of the story. We never had a chance to talk this through. You wouldn’t give me that chance. I hate that you brushed me aside the way you did. You didn’t even fight for us. It seemed like ignoring me was so easy for you, as easy as when you blocked girls you didn’t like. We both had hurtful pasts, we both let that get in the way of our future. I wish we could have talked this out. It’s my fault too. Maybe it’s a learning experience. One day I’ll look back and pull something useful from this.
I feel like I can sit here all morning and write out my feelings and be sad, but I can’t. I have kids to tend to and life to live. My God, you can’t understand how badly I want to send this to you.
Time heals all. Today, the only thing I wish for is that this saying is true.