The limitations of dreams…

Last night I had a very strange dream, which, for the most part, isn’t all that unusual in my case. This dream was related to something I’m very much looking forwards to doing, but it took a bizarre and unsettling turn near the end. The night before last I slept badly and thus I remembered fragments of all sorts of dreams, some pleasant and others not so much. One of those the night before had something to do with that one bridge up north that’s going to be caged; the one I wrote about in my past entry. It wasn’t a scary dream, but rather I was just looking at the bridge, perhaps it was a visit to view it in its current untamed state. But the dream this past night had nothing to do with any bridge, and one part of it was downright terrifying.

This dream also has highlighted a peculiar property of dreams (and nightmares), at least when it comes to my own dreams. That feature, if you will, is that I’ve noticed that in all of my nocturnal mental forays I can never dream about doing something (or experiencing something) that I’ve not encountered in real life. This isn’t to say that some dreams haven’t been quite fantastic and well beyond what could ever be real.  Yet, actual life experiences can be reconstituted but those unknown cannot. An example: I have never skied in my life, not on snow nor on water. So, therefore, I would likely never be able to have a dream about doing so. Apparently, despite my imagination, my mind is incapable of creating the bodily sensation of such an activity. What usually happens in such dreams is that sometimes I get to the point of doing something, and for some reason I am unable to proceed. I have no idea if other people’s dreams also operate within these boundaries.

I believe this dream in question was prompted by something I saw online. I was able to garner together bits and pieces of information which my subconscious mind cobbled into a dream, not unlike a collage. I happened to see a video about bungee jumping, and I’ve watched more than a few of these ever since I made the commitment to do that activity. This particular video was directly related to the exact place where I will be jumping later this year (which has yet to open). Like many dreams, the narrative and plot were somewhat confusing, but in essence I was preparing to jump. But unlike at the real place, there was this huge swing on which one could swing out over the water, and I chose to do that before I did the jump. This was very much like other rides I’ve been on, and so my mind was able to reconstruct the thrill of the swing. But then, it was time to get ready to climb the tower and prepare for the jump. There were other people who were planning on doing the same thing, and all of us began the ascent. We got to the top and got our harnesses and gear on, and then waited for our turn. It was then that I was overcome with the utmost sense of dread and terror. Now, for the average non-thrill seeking person, this reaction would be perfectly natural and not unexpected. But not for someone like me who has ridden hundreds of roller coasters and scores of other thrilling rides. To have such a reaction would be uncharacteristic of  me.

As the dream progressed, the weather suddenly turned bad and no one was able to jump. Just like in so many other dreams, I was unable to complete that activity likely because I’ve never jumped from anything, other than perhaps a low diving board in a pool. And I certainly never jumped from anything really high up. So that’s a sensation which is somewhat foreign to my body. This despite having ridden on coasters and amusement rides that simulate falling. However, on all of those rides, the rider is strapped into a train or other ride vehicle that is firmly attached to a structure. A bungee jumper is of course attached, but he or she is, at least for a short period of time, in total free fall. In addition, unlike on a ride that is started up and run by ride operators, a bungee jumper must take the initiative and literally step off into the void.

I am not sure what that dream might mean, if anything, especially the part where I felt such terror. But I just hope that it isn’t a harbinger of things to come. This won’t be the first time in my life where I’ve set up a goal for myself, including ones where I have sought to face down my fears.