I keep hoping that time will give me more of it, but it just makes everything more unclear.

Two days ago I had a plan.  I was resolved in my decision, no matter what the outcome…. And then he did the dishes.

How can something so simple play such head games with me?  How could it possibly give me doubts?

If this had been a month ago would it have been enough?  Is it a turn for the better?

He hasn’t washed the dishes in 15 years, but when everyone finally left last night and I lay on the couch for a minute, spent from an exhausting and physically hard day, he got up and did the dishes.  He didn’t say a word, before or after, there was no demand for recognition that usually follows such an act.

It made me feel loved for a moment – it felt almost as if it was an apology – something else he never does….

Am I becoming one of these women that I tried so hard not to judge, but did all the same?  Am I making excuses?  Or could he actually have cared, if only for a moment?

How can such a simple act make you question everything?

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May 29, 2023

Never mind him. Focus on you. 🙂