So, I’m starting this diary because it’s supposed to be therapeutic or something like this.
Even writing here where no one knows me makes me anxious. I wonder, what went wrong with me in the process of growing up…
I’m so scared all the time. Scared of everything: my family, my colleagues, even random people on the street. And, of course, myself. I’m scared of myself the most.
This is my attempt to deal with this fear in a healthy manner. Not to get rid of it, as it is impossible, but make it manageable. To push through it, I need to have some confidence in myself and my skills. To regain some control over my life again.
I wrote ‘again’ but did I have any control in my life? My adolescence was always dominated by my mother, even if she wasn’t there. Especially when she wasn’t there. But I think it’s finally has come to this. I, either regain my control or spiral down into the abyss. Sadly, there is no third way.
I can’t continue to ignore my problems.
I have to admit that they exist.