29 jan. 2025; it’s yesterday once more
Dear diary,
It’s currently 10:16am. As far as of of now, today is just the same as yesterday: I had breakfast, I walked my dog, now I’m finding the strenght to start studying. The only difference is I smoked only 2 cigarettes (I’ve been up since 7:45am). I know, I know. 2 cigarettes it’s still a LOT. But I made a plan to quit smoking, right now I’m reducing.
The reason why I want to get rid of my nic addition is simple (and rather stupid): I want to have a healthier body for my baby. No, I’m not pregnant and no, I’m not planning to get pregnant at least for another 2/3 years. After all, I’m still in uni, plus my bf Jack thinks he doesn’t want to be a father. Maybe someday he’ll change his mind, otherwise we will part ways for our own good. My biggest wish in life is to be a parent.
I would love to either carry my child or to have a partner who’s pregnant (I’m not exclusively attracted to men). Both events would make me the happiest person on Earth.
Actually, most people my age here in Italy are unsure if they want to have kids. The overall situation (economical, political, social ect.) is not the best and most of us are scared for the future. Personally, I am as well. What I know is that for me having kids would be an immense act of love and that I’m altready actively working on creating a safe environment, full of love and freedom, where they can grow aware of their surroundings, yet hopeful, healthy and happy. I’ve contemplated emigrating in the past, but I don’t want to leave my beloved country and family behind. Also, every country has its problems and I’m confident my generation will fight to make the world a better place.
Hopefully, in a few years, I will hold my very own bundle of joy in my arms. My friends will all be aunties and uncles, each of us will teach something beautiful to this creature. I will be an auntie/uncle for their kids as well! (What’s the non binary equivalent of aunt and uncle? I don’t know), while being a mamma to mine (mamma means mom, personally I’m fine with this term despite me not being a woman).
Now I need to snap back to reality; it’s useless to lock ourselves in a far-away fantasy for way too long. I need to study for my exams!
x, Ollie