i hope someone reads this

so I’m having an existential crisis right now you know the one you get before birthdays. It gets ugly af. I’m turning 20 and i stilll havent figured out my favourite colour which people figure out at kindergarten. Its tough because my life seems to be revolving around me waking up late, having tons of junk (I mean chips, chocolates ) even though i know im mentally torturing myself about. I still havent learned to love myself, and its reallllllyy sad. I watched an Instagram post that said name 20 things you love, so i made a list and wrote mannny manny stuff in it which mostly consisted of chocolates, or movies and celebrities and my dog ranked first. but then i when i watched the video asit went on it said at the end ” How long would it take u to write yourself or any of your body parts?” I literally cried after that. I know self love doesnt happen overnight and that it happens gradually. But living in a society that still has a fixed definition of what beauty should look like just discourages me to really be myself and its sad becuase ive missed out on so much of my high scool life and getting to know people. Ive always made myself dissapear in the backgournd and just not look at myself in the mirror for too long. its sad that i dont have people to talk about it to. becuase my family was the first to make fun of me. so i hope someone reading this would listen if no just read. so i pray that this new decade for me ill discover self love and confidence beacause i know how much i can offer to the world.

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September 3, 2020

Just so you know I am one of those 50 something year old and I still haven’t figured out any of what you are thinking about.  I really hate myself even to this day despite people telling me I am beautiful and I have a lot to offer.  I have issues with my self image and my weight has nothing to do with it.  I even tried at one time when I was 10 to sell my curly hair because I often look like I come from Africa because it’s so bushy and curly when it gets to be long.  The first thing you need to do is accept you for you and then work on one thing at a time and eventually you will be much happier and stop caring what others think.

September 3, 2020

So, first of all, *hugs*.

Second of all, no one has this stuff all figured out, even people who say they do. I changed my favorite color back and forth from green to red to blue to green to gold… I’m now 33, and I just say it’s “dark green” for the convenience of having something that people can relate to, and because if people buy me things in “my favorite color” I know exactly what I’m getting. The truth is that I have a set of four or five colors I like the best and buy most of my clothes in, and I really don’t like any of them better than the others.

Other people like to have specific things they know about you that they can write down, but your personality can’t be boiled down to a questionnaire or a list. You’re more complex than that. It takes alot of work to love yourself, and, in my experience, even more to love your physical body. Concentrate on the things you already know and love about yourself (what do you like to do? what puts a smile on your face? what do you know that you’re decently good at?). Instead of beating yourself up about junk food, try seeing things as less black and white. “Junk food” isn’t all bad. “Healthy food” isn’t all good. Instead of being upset with yourself, try a positive step, like trying something new and deciding if you like it. No one ever got out of a habit of eating a certain way by feeling guilty. The best way to change your eating is just to try new things and maybe you’ll like them. Being excited about a new soup you want to try is much more fun than beating yourself up about eating chips.

The first step to accepting your body is to actually look at your body. As someone who spent most of their teen years overweight, and most of my adult years too, if I’m being honest, you need to look in the mirror. And absolutely DO NOT criticize yourself when you’re looking in the mirror. Just look. The next day, look again. Repeat, until even if you don’t like what you see, you see yourself as you are. Avoiding yourself doesn’t do you any good.

Many blessings on your journey of life.

September 3, 2020

I haven’t figured all that out yet either… I am 50 something. AND by the time I think I have figured it all out… I change my mind. My favorite color is Turquoise, teal, pink, lavender and sea green. and all shades of those colors lol

hang in their.

September 3, 2020

When I was your age, I had the similar breakdown in my mind, wherein I blamed on myself and got anger to not be able to accomplish anything, but I want to remain a cocky guy (it is easy to do this…ugh). But, one day, I finally reached at the bottom, it was one of the best thing happened to me. I got fired at my part time job, I was told “You started with good motivation but became slacker.” I totally agreed with him and  felt useless, miserable, and definitely lonely. This loneliness came from the comparisons I made between my friends and me, it was painful.

I have a suggestion. If you cannot find something you like to do, please organize yourself. Organize and clean your room, help your parents for chore and cooking, and finally find a job (part time is fine) and work seriously hard whatever it is. When you work, please stay positive and help others. You will find yourself helping others is the similar effect of therapy. Through the experience, people appreciate you, want to be nice to you, and want to know you more.

Finally, please go outside to touch with nature. Find a way to get the trailhead and go hiking for yourself. It is fine to go by yourself, I do all the time. This is the right way to feel tired. Not mentally tired. I am not saying that changing diet is easy, but please take care of yourself more. You don’t need to find who you are now. You can start the list above in any moment. You want to change your life right? It takes time, but finally you may have reached the bottom to start walking, I know this takes time and you did great! You can do it!

September 3, 2020

You’re not alone. I’m in my 30’s and still have nothing figured out. Life is a journey and it’s okay to not have all the answers.

Working on your self-esteem is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do, but accepting who you are and knowing you need to be kinder to yourself is the first big step and you’re well ahead of where I was at 20, believe me :).  I was the same in high school, immensely shy and very good at blending in , but remember, that is one chapter of your life – you have years ahead of you to become the person you want to be.

Whatever you do, do what makes YOU happy. Trying to please other people, or worrying about what they think will only make you miserable. Put yourself first xx

September 20, 2020

Oh honey, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. When I was 19 turning 20 I was depressed, obese, my dad made fun of me, called me stupid because math wasn’t my best subject (Still does). Actually he still calls me fat. Self love is hard. Especially when your parents don’t help and encourage you.

Second of all. You aren’t Supposed to have life figured out at 20, 30, or even 60 okay? You can change your mind on degrees, switch majors, take a year off and work then go back and finish.  Life is a journey if you fall and you will just pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.

I hope you come back.