Dear mister Bear.

So anyway..I have come to the conclusion that everything i say lately is just me repeating myself. SO How about we play a little game? Anyone up for a game? Gimme a yay or a nay..Either way..Okay?

So here I am..Feeling kinda sweaty after work. Totally trying to figure out what to do. Because..I do not really want to sleep. I have been thinking a lot.
About mister Jack. And Mister Bear. And what Mister Jack might want. And if mister Bear knows he hurts my feelings sometimes when he says the things he says..and not only that but if he gives a shit he does.

Granted. I know I put on this tough girl act and I act like shit does not bother me. I mean I know it would be easier if it doesn’t right? But well I am a girl. And I am fucking emotional..AND IT DOES BOTHER ME. Fuck.
ya’Know.

Just Christ. I am numb though. I have totally gotten use to you saying the stuff you have been saying.
Maybe it is because I love  you. Or maybe it is because you are one of my closest friends and I totally do not want to be the evil bitch I portray to other guys.

But fuck. You are pushing my damn limits. Granted I know I do this too. I know you read my diary. Therefore I know you will read this.
But if you really recognize the fire in my eyes when you say the things you say then you should also recognize the sadness and shit too. Maybe stop saying some of the things you have been saying.

Stop pushing my damn buttons.
I get fucking mad. A little on the crazy,Mean evil beat you with a bat way.

And I have hurt you enough. So STOP IT.

I tried to let be. Realize you are saying these things to hurt me. But I really dont like it.
ANd If you give a damn about my feelings like you say you do …YOu would not do it.
Right?

Well one would think so.
You are  Right.
 I DO like Jack.
I would like to see him.
But it is not something I feel like I should discuss it with you.
Because YOU ARE MY FRIEND> and I LOVE YOU.
SO ..Quit it.
And If I bring him up it is strictly in the platonic sense. I do not feel right discussing him with you.
And I would really rather not.
( I know you know what I mean about this)

I understand that you are hurt. I did not in any way plan that. Was not my intention at all.

I dont talk about this kind of thing very well.
Later. Siarai AKA. The damned siarai