Happy or NOt Here it Comes

Happy New Year!

Not really. this is not a happy celebrating NYE. I’ve  been totally ignored. Mr. Big Shot has sat here for the last 3 hours not saying a word.  I tried a couple times to have conversation.  I really don’t see how someone can be that way.  I made a nice dinner for me and the kids and even MBS.  He couldn’t bother saying thank you, kiss my ass or nothing. I know there are times when he watches the kids for me, and does work for me, however, I can accomplish those things on my own. I can hire work out, and I can hire a babysitter and I know it will cost less than me paying for everyfucking  thing.  He has no job, no social security, and will NOT get a part time job. Hes been homeless” for about 11 years now.  never really homeless.  living off one person or another. he sleeps on a sofa in the basement. he has food stamps so he buys food, for himself. only minimal . he refuses to cook so its not like he will buy the fixings for dinner.  I feel very used an d even more depressed. I feel a cry coming on but I will wait till I am alone in my room.  I really need to end this.

My little or not so little grandkids are doing well inspite of them not seeing a mom or dad over this holiday season.  I have made it as happy as I can for them! they had great gifts and good food and we saw plenty of family. they were able to play with their cousins many times. it great they live close enough to see.  I have a son with 4 kids in the same town. we don’t see him often because he hates me. hes made that clear over and over.  I smile and pretend that’s all ok. too.

He calls me a fucking bitch, stupid, a moron. tells me everyone thinks im a bitch and hates me.  gosh…but that boy….lovessssssss  hiss dad.  ya, that homeless MBS.  so why doesn’t MBS live with him? good question. MBS did live with him shortly, seems the sons wife doesn’t like that, having the FIL staying there. however, son has told me that I should be paying his dad for the work he does. I told him I do, he lives here for free and doesn’t have to provide anything for himself.  once again, I am stupid.

I am having a hard time with my daughter living in a tent. MBS wont even speak to her at all. she is an alcoholic and drug addict. she lives with an abuser, in a tent, and its winter, cold, snow and all that.  I wont give her any money, I did send 2 good winter coats to her.  I haven’t seen her since march, and neither have the kids.i saw a picture of her that my youngest daughter took when she took her the coats.  She looks so bad. I am scared to death she is going to die out there.   she has a terrible lung disease called histiocytosis x.  that will kill her too. being a crack addict with lung disease is not very compatible  with life.

well…is almost 10pm.  I bought poppers for the kids and horns and such. its raining…maybe snowing, haven’t looked out there. I am going to take the kids outside at 10pm and they and I will have out own little private celebration.




Log in to write a note