Tonight self harm

🙁 I hope you can find the help you need. ❤️

Maybe the dark thoughts could be the product of your body starving for nutrition?

I just ate a dill pickle, very mild in flavor.  I like to eat pickles as a source of vinegar which I need to keep my body ph balanced.  I’m a heavy coffee drinker which means I can become too acidic.  I start to get very sick when I’m too acidic.  I sometimes get dark bruising under my eyes and I look deathly and morbid.  Knowing what one’s body needs is half the battle.  Following through and being consistent are where the real challenges are.  Sometimes it takes getting sick again to bring me back on track.

I know this is very different from what you experience but I will tell you this because I think it might be useful: I have a sensitive stomach.  I used to suffer such extreme belly pain that I went into starvation because, and this is exactly what I produced through journaling: I wrote “hurting eats my stomach” when I meant to write “eating hurts my stomach”, but both were very true.  I had a very difficult time eating and would seek soft foods to ease the pain (applesauce and yogurt, especially).  I once pained so brutally that I ended up drinking baby formula solely for the nutrition.  I wasn’t eating and couldn’t eat but desperately and urgently needed nutrition.  I couldn’t think as I wandered aisles in stores but I recalled that I was “allergic” to baby formula as an infant and needed soy based so I ended up in the baby aisle, bought soy formula and drank three big gulps.  It helped me.