Welcome back anorexia

I’ve got a ways to go but I’ll get there. My lowest weight at 5’4 was 95lbs. Oh how I wish I would have appreciated my body then. I used to think I was fat at that weight. Wish I could go back in time and just appreciate my body. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I can control my inner turmoil is through starvation. I’ve tried cutting, overdosing and those only make me look crazy.  I’ve had cops show up at my door and tell me to save the resources for people who are actually suicidal (this is because I’ve had way too many attempts). However the last time I heard this it really triggered something inside of me to kinda prove myself….my struggle….my inner turmoil. As many of you can probably relate, it’s never a good feeling to be dismissed when you’re feeling at ur lowest. Anyways, my new mission is to lose weight and to keep losing until I am comfortable. 💞

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May 27, 2020

But you do know that 95 pounds at 5’4″ is absolutely not fat, right?


It does not feel good to be kicked when you’re down, no.  But are you only trying to drag others down with you, without any interest in resolving the pathology that has you trapped in pitch black darkness?  That would be called parasitic behavior in which people very easily could turn aggressive (spit, kick).

You’re plainly stating that you DO want to continue a progressive degenerate path.  Why would you get upset if people resist being dragged down with you?

May 28, 2020

@elcreature yes I completely understand what you’re saying. My mind and thinking is definitely very warped right now. Just trying to write down my honest, raw thoughts even if they don’t make sense. I am currently in a IDTP group five days a week. The group is now run though conference call due to covid but I also share my thoughts there and it helps a bit. Still struggling though. I do need to lose weight though as I was getting overweight ( for real overweight as in my bmi was too high). I will lose weight until I feel more comfortable in my own body