Entry #3

If I want a stalker, she would be obsessed with me, and she’d be crazy just like me. I want to have someone where I don’t have to be alone for being crazy all the time. Society doesn’t understand me, so they reject me from their community. I’m an outcast to the world, and feel like everyone is plotting against me. I just can’t deal with this loneliness, but sometimes I feel complete solitude. Regardless, the feelings are what I feel at the same time.

Regardless, as someone with a psychosocial disability (schizoaffective disorder), it’s hard to try to make friends. I’ve been alone all this time and I just want to fit in with society, to the point I start pleasing everyone by pretending to be different people towards different types of persons I meet when it comes to social interaction. I’ve known the social game for a long time and I know how I can get to please anyone. But the longer I do this, makes me feel distant from my true self, to the co-poinnt beyond of no return.

I’m not “me” anymore. I’m just a fabricated personality that doesn’t exist in the mundane world, and I am completely alone…

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