I have read that there are over 1000 people dying in the USA EACH DAY NOW FROM COVID-19.
When it first came on the scene was terrified of it and like so many people, I went a bit extreme about protection. At the same time there was a certain amount of INCREDULITY. I could no believe all this stuff about about a virus. It was SURREAL. So many shortages at first. I bought turkeys to cook and store the meat. I felt like a rich man when I got 6 rolls of toilet paper! I felt the apocalypse had come as I wandered through the grocery store staring in shock at the empty shelves.
It’s a new reality.
Masks have become normal. Hand sanitizer as well. Yet I have felt people have become lax about it all. I wonder if I am lax in how I am about social distancing etc. Do I touch may face to adjust my mask too much? What about my car: Do I sanitize those places I touched enough?
My car stinks of hand sanitizer and I have 5 fucking masks.
Welcome to the new normal.
I heard a man complaining about wearing a mask in the grocery line behind me. I told him I am used-to wearing a mask since I work with wood (yet despite that or because of it, I have breathing problems). He said I was used-to-it because of my work. I told him that better to wear a mask than be dead. He shut-up. I felt like laughing at him: Dude, you wear a fucking mask for a few minutes then go back to your car and take that fucker off. You live while so many die. Stop bitching and breathe easy. ALIVE.
I see the numbers of dead and infected in the USA and my living ghost looks over my shoulder and see’s the Covid Ghost chasing me. I keep wondering what I can do to be more safe. I cough often but it’s probably COPD. My sinuses are going nuts and I am relieved because that is not a symptom of Covid. I eat too damned much and taste it all … and smile because damn I am getting fatter but I CAN STILL TASTE THINGS!
I feel Covid is stalking me. Playing with me. It’s become a real THING. A monster in my mind. Sneaky bastard that can kill me because of my age and breathing problems. I imagine getting sick from it. I know I will need to say my last good byes and hope and beg someone to care for my 2 birds I love so much. More and more I think I need to decontaminate every damn thing I touch. Be more mindful. Focused. Try not to die.
KNOWING that this covid crap can kill me any time any day makes me have a very different view of life and people. The little stuff is not sweated nor the big. I focus on acting like a person condemned. I try to be kind and my ego says ok this is how we hope people will remember you. It is an evolution of self. I do not mind dying. I only care about my 2 birds. I love them so much and want them to live a good long happy life. Just like the best humans wish that for their families and friends. It’s a big surprise when we die. I think. I can be worrying about Covid and die in a car accident or choke to death on my own spit as I sit here writing. I used-to be concerned about dying from a nuclear war but Covid took it’s place. It’s more intimate. Smaller but it kills. Nuclear shit is just a sledge hammer of fire and dust. Been living with that Othefucker all my life.
Sometimes I look at my front door and wonder if Covid is sitting on my porch. Hey Covid? You going to ambush me? Has my time come?
Covid, the New Grim Reaper.