When I write something deeply personal on here, I wonder if someone could use it against me after reading it. So far, laughs and shrugs about it all. If I were to write about sex it would be boring and yucky and … outdated due to that being a non-part of my life now. 

But fantasies?

I have recently looked at what my fantasies have been throughout my life. How when I was young they were of me being a hero with a sword to save the day – like those heroes I read about in the sword and sorcery books of my youth. Or being Tarzan swinging through the trees and being THAT hero. My heroes were always noble and good and simply … GOOD. Even my teenage sexual fantasies were of my being GOOD to a girl. Being what my ideal self was.


I think that is why as a young person it took a very long time to get laid. I could never be the bad boy that excited women. 

When I believed I was whatever a “writer” is for many years, I wrote fantasies of people doing GOOD. I wrote about and imagined people doing good and HEALING. Before all the Super Hero stuff I imagined people with the powers to HEAL. To bring life back from death. That may be why every time I go to a doctors office or hospital I am always in awe of the people working in such places. 

They have super powers! THEY HEAL.

I recently realized that about those who do mental health healing. Their great healing power is NOT telling people how to live and be but something we all assume is so simple but is a great skill: LISTENING. I talked to many mental health professionals in therapy over the years and it was only after I had learned to do some of what they do that I saw the superpower of it. I FEEL that sometimes when someone listens to me. Or I feel it on the other side when I focus and listen to someone else. It is true power. It is healing by not making ME the focus and forcing myself to let go of my ego and focus on the voice or words of another in their writing. 

The world is full of destroyers. People that want to tear down and break down and destroy. I see it in the dichotomy of the political aims of the left and right in the USA. When I was young, the left was often seen as those wanting to tear down (anti-war movement) society and the right staunch defenders of society. NOW I see the Left as the builders, the healers, and creators. Whatever the left wants to do to help the nation, planet and all life, the Right opposes it. To be fair, not all Right-wingers. There are some that want to save the world and be what I see as the Heros of this world. 

When I watch superhero television shows or films, it is not the fight scenes and violence that I find attractive. It is moments of healing. The Healers and Builders triumphing over those that want to burn the world down and to hell with all life but their own. 

Wanting GOOD FOR ALL has been sneered at by some as being “communist”. I find that what is truly evil and bad in this world are those that focus on the One and the Few and not THE MANY OR ALL LIFE ON EARTH. The GOOD want to save all humans and not just this or that small group. Which is what we see in those superhero films. Ahhhh people of the WORLD being saved! Sure there is some nationalism to it at times with a “Captain America!” but we also see an attempt by the filmmakers in the USA to have more diversity. Something that is missing in some political groups in the USA and around the world. That results of good for ALL. NOT ONLY THE RICH but the poor, elderly, helpless, weak, diseased, and crippled.  

When I was young and a Christian my primary superhero good guy was Jesus.  He went around being cool! Healing! Feeding people. Championing the poor. Wow-what a role model! When I grew up I wanted to be like that guy! He ended up in a bad way and for a while, I think I wanted to be that guy up there being so heroic on a cross. THAT I realized later more rationally, was not a cool thing. Christians can argue that but it is a bit sick in my view now. Like so much religion is. But not that doing good and healing that. Now THAT is a cool thing! Religion lost it’s way in bullshit. It got a severe case of bullshit poisoning. 

You see, whatever happened to doing the GOOD thing and not making it about God or something supernatural? I am often asked as an Atheist, “Where does your good come from if not from God?” To me, “Good” comes from a survival instinct in humans. That simple. Destroying and tearing down leads to the annihilation of our species and others. It is not selfish. All life on this planet is connected (in my view). We need each other. We see it in Global Warming. We need the lungs that are the rain forests and the oceans. When we destroy our habitat and the life in it, we destroy ourselves as part of that habitat. Doing Good is saving that. Yet so many do not GET IT. 

Returning to an above thread, my heroes are sincerely honestly kind people. Those with high emotional intelligence. Those that make others laugh or pick up something on the ground someone dropped and return it to them. Kindness to all life. There are those that believe that LOVINGKINDNESS IS OUR TRUE NATURE. The Buddhists. I agree. When I do kind actions, words and thought, I feel at home in myself. When I am being a negative shit or raising my voice in anger or anxiety, I feel it an alien UGLY thing to me. 

There is a simple beauty in LovingKindness. It is our good-ness. Again, some would throw God in there. No. It is our nature to SURVIVE with all life forms on this planet. To be kind without seeking a compliment or reward is NATURAL. To do so UNCONDITIONALLY IS OUR NATURE. When we do what is not that, it is against our primal nature. NOT to kill or do horrible destructive things. 

I used to wonder if I had some kind of Messiah Complex. In time and reading more, I realized that it is all about what POWER we want from what we do. Do we do it for Ego Gratification and praise or… because it feels like the natural right thing?

That is a reason I lost my taste for Christmas, Birthdays, and other gifting holidays. So much is forced. Contrived, GOOD. If we are to feel anything joyful from giving or doing for another, let it be for that feeling of the action and words are good in their own right. NOT because we want an ego massage. 

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