There was a worker at a sawmill. He did maintenance and other work. He had been in prison for a while. He’d also been in special forces during the Vietnam war. I was fortunately naive to see his good but the deeper side of him, that violence he had lived was terrifying. He knew killing and he knew death.
I used-to go to a video rental shop and long ago. There was a worker there that seemed a nice guy until one day conversation went into a place that was dark and yes, “terrifying”. There was a bit of word sparring and he looked into my eyes and I realized he was not just some video shop worker. There was a coldness. A darkness in him. I could see that he could kill and it was not that movie bullshit. It made me try to laugh it off then run like hell because it was something I did not want to be around. A man with a very horrible shadow behind his smile.
I worked with a man that had been in prison for murder. NICE guy but one day he exploded in anger and saw that darkness that could send him back to prison some day. A darkness he kept tamped down. I hope he always keeps on top of that. I hope nobody ever sees THAT part of him.
I recently went to get my mail. I saw a man in a truck. I smiled and waived at him then felt that shiver of recognition in his face. I did not know him but I could SEE that coldness of a killer inside him. There was a dead cold stare and I knew he could kill me. I knew he had known death and maybe been a maker of it. He put on an awkward smile like a mask. I hope I never see him again.
There are people around us that have that cold darkness in them. We may pass them and shudder without realizing why. Someone smiles as we smile back at them but there is that coldness that makes us not want to be around them. It’s a blizzard of potential pain and death it is best to be gone from. A contained force we never want to see and feel. When we see encounter it, we know it.
I often encounter people talking about their lives on the net or throwing out inane memes of faux wisdom. I shake my head about it and wonder how many such have been so close to that coldness I have felt in others. Something alien to most of use and when you encounter that… you just want to politely get the fuck away from it and never go near it.