A few weeks ago I sent a fecal sample off to a lab to be examined for indications of colon cancer. It was to me something of a joke. Ok poop in jar and then ship it by Flying Shit air. I expected the results to be NEGATIVE and a waste. I did it to avoid the unpleasantness of a colonoscopy.
Today I got an email for me to check the results of THAT test online. I went to the Patient Portal and opened the results and went into DENIAL right away and called the lab that did the work. The person I spoke to was probably there to pick up a phone and redirect people. Had no idea what I was talking about.
About a half hour later I got a call from my doctors office and was told by a nurse that the doctor had said that I needed to get a colonoscopy ASAP. They had already sent a request to my local pharmacy for a substance to prepare me for the ordeal. I was thinking $$$ despite the need for it and was told there are programs to help people like me with that if my insurance does not pay for it. I figure medicare does. She KNEW the call was going to be a shocker for me. I could hear it in a her voice, the voice of someone that knows they are giving bad news. I joked with her and did get her to laugh. It was a very strange feeling talking to someone that knew they were giving me bad news. The tests read “abnormal reading” I could see by doing some digging on the patient portal site. I messaged with my sister and brother-in-law and they joked about how they knew the hospital VERY well and would give me a ride there for the procedure. My sister gave me numerous reassurances.
I called the person that makes appointments for surgeries and procedures and we agreed on a date. Seems there is a lot of that colonoscopy stuff going on! She told me that my doctor had labeled me as “URGENT”. Which made more blood drain from my face. Apparently there is some bad stuff they need to look at. NOT let it wait. I am going from extreme, “hell no!” about that to “ok let’s get this done as efficiently as possible”. If I have cancer, face it and get rid of it the sooner the better. Be optimistic.