Years ago I got some mild chemical burns on my face that made me feel I was ugly. For years I admit I had had some vanity about an attractive face. Suddenly I was not. Red flakey puffy skin. I spent much money trying to find treatments for it. I found myself reacting to people by trying not to be seen. I had looked at people all my life and labeled THEM as “ugly”. Here I was feeling very ugly. Recently I found a lotion that cleared up the eczema or whatever it was like some miracle treatment. I no longer felt like hiding my face and my face was close to normal.
The experience did expose in me an ugliness that remains. HOW I SOMETIMES SEE OTHERS. Ah they are ugly because of this physical aspect or that. What happens if they suddenly become more attractive physically? There is always an ugliness in all of us. A cream on my face will not erase that which is inside me at times or others.
I have a beard now. I often look at it with amusement. Some women have told me to cut it off. I tell them just do not look at me or go away. It is ugly to them. Some HAVE gone and it amuses me. I look in the mirror and think of how that beard is not handsome beard like other men. Ragged and scraggly. Comfort is… it is me. This is who I am. Something that I DID learn and accept when I had the eczema all over my face. You may think and others may think you look like shit but fuck it, embrace it. It is you. Look at it accept it and have a laugh.