024. Sunny days

Last night, my mother had her first skype call with my daughter in months. It was monitored by my husband, it was short, and my step-father was present, as I had specified. My mother tends to go on mini-rants about things she hates (which could be anything – examples include colors she doesn’t like, lifestyle choices other people make, politics, men in general, music she’s not fond of, movies that came out, the color green, really anything), but she won’t do that as much in front of my stepfather.

I sat on the stairs, out of camera view, listening to the visit. I was tense. Was my mother going to be the good grandmother today or the small-minded, self-centered grandmother? But, it went ok. I think she knows she’s on a short leash.

My mother still has made no attempt to reach out to me or apologize. I’m angry, but I knew going into this that that would be a long wait for a train that don’t come.

I went to bed tense and unsettled. I woke up feeling… alright. Surprisingly alright. I realize that I said everything I could’ve said. And even if I never talk to my mom again, I’m okay. I have my real friends and my real chosen family.

The sun is bright today; it’s difficult to be upset when the air is warm and the breeze is light.

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