Two days a week, I get to spend the whole day with Bear. Other than about two to three hours in the evening, this is all the time I get to spend with her. I work a full forty-hour week; Lev works around forty-five hours a week; neither of us get to spend as much time with Bear as we want, but if I drop to part-time, we can’t afford the house. Or an apartment, for that matter. Apartments where we are have rent that is actually more than our mortgage payment.
I have an overwhelming list of to-dos today to get ready for our vacation weekend. Laundry, because we need clothes to pack, and because it would be nice to come home to clean sheets. Cleaning, because coming home after a vacation to a dirty house just feels stressful. Making sure I have supplies for Bear. I’m not sure how much I actually want to do her medical wraps while on vacation, but this is my life now, and hers. I don’t want to make her life worse long-term because I’m lazy on vacation.
Every day that I’m home with Bear, I steal time in the mornings for myself. I know that I only get a small amount of time with her every week, but I get exactly zero time for myself during the week unless I steal it.
I put cartoons on the tv, and start brewing coffee.Today I was so tired that I started pouring whole bean coffee into my coffee maker instead of into the grinder. I’ll make my breakfast, and Bear’s breakfast, then stretch it out a little, letting her eat and watch tv while I sip coffee and do some light gardening out on the deck (where I can still see her) or reading. Today I’m posting here.
I feel guilty about “the tv being a babysitter” while I steal time for myself. My mother would be appalled. Then again, my mother wasn’t the mom-of-the-year, ever.