Are you supposed to get done with your therapy session and feel like you’ve been run over by an emotional truck?
Are you supposed to have cried so much you no longer have tears?
Are you supposed to feel this tired?
When people say that you have to “do the work” in your therapy, they aren’t kidding. You have to be brave enough to feel the things you are trying not to feel and sit there and actually process through it. When your coping mechanisms aren’t helping you anymore, and they are hurting your life, that’s when you have to reopen the wound and make it heal correctly this time.
I’m still going to have emotional scars. No one in therapy can say they don’t have scars. I just don’t want mine to hinder my mobility to do things in life.
Some hard truths about my life that I’ve had to face recently:
- The only way for my parents to be happy with me was for me to not be me. And the only way for me to be happy is to be myself.
- I do whatever life puts in-front of me, and I don’t seek out alternatives. I’m a security guard because the job opportunity was laid at my feet. The way I dress has largely been dictated by the clothes other people have bought for me rather than things I’ve picked out or made myself. My friends are the friends that Lev brought into the relationship, not ones that I’ve made on my own (not any at all). This doesn’t make me happy, either.
- I’m miserable because I’ve allowed myself to become miserable. I’ve not been myself to anyone but Lev and my siblings, and, eventually, that was going to make me unhappy. I need to be myself and be happy, and if people don’t like the “new me” (who is not new at all, just authentic), then they aren’t really supportive or my friends anyway.