Okay, I know what I’d said but i need to get this out of my head so I can re read this.

  • I was too scared to stick up for myself. He freaked because my sister just got a male roommate (I stay there during visitation weekends cause it’s free.) But here is how I see it. I invited him to my sister’s to watch the game.
  • It just dawned on me that that was dumb.
  • I need to fix this. He needs to know how I feel but not all of it, until we’re safely away from him. 1) I do not love him. 2) He cannot control my life. 3) He needs to stop trying to get back together with me. 4) HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE. 5) I wish he’d effing leave me out of his life when he’s doing whatever with any chick.
  • I AM NOT GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE TOMORROW. just him and Aiden time. That’s what the fucking visitation is foooooor.
  • We will never be married, have more kids, live together.

Oh I just figured out how to turn off the list format!! 🤣🤣🤣 (I’m on phone.) I made it work.

Ah yes, I need to fix my dumbass decision, us watching the game at my sister’s with Aiden and saying okay to him drinking but not regulating him at all. What were you thinking???!! I really put too much faith in him being able to move on from the idea of us together ONLY because I had his baby. Nooooooo. After all that bullshit you went through?!!?? No you go back and make sure he understands there’s never going to be an us!!!! NEVER. but I don’t know how because he’s incapable of understanding. He’s a total narcissist who good god scares the shit out of me when he’s drunk. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from the drunk mark but!!! I have healed so much, I can fix this. I’ll be fucking stern about the bullshit he pulled tonight but I want to try to get him to understand he has no earthly, no otherworldly chance at “starting over” with me. Start something new with someone else. You don’t know how to have a baby momma and a girlfriend/fiance/wife? Me either but good GOD that’s the only way I can be happy. Is if he mooooooovvvvveeeessss oooooooonnnnnnn with ANYONE BUT MEEEEEEEEE.

Omg. He’s 40 today and had a stroke last year. Like. I feel like I almost touched relief in the face. 😭😭😭😭😭

Okay, I got out most of it. I feel a little lighter and can breathe better. I need to re read this in the morning. It’s morning now. 😞

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