Reboot
I feel my brain rewiring itself, coming to terms with new concepts and definitions. I had an emotional nostalgic moment this morning brought on by a random song that came up on my Pandora station. It was playing during this truly beautiful moment that happened when I was about 17 or 18. It redefined my notions of love and intimacy, laid the ground work so that years later when I was first with Zac I would be able to recognize him for what he could be to me. It was the first time I felt spiritually connected to another human being, the first time that physical contact transcended tactile sensations.
Listening to the song, I was reminded of a person I used to be, of all the people I used to be, and how those moments that felt so monumental to me at the time are now little more than afterthoughts. Three minute long musical revisits and then they’re gone again like they never happened. It makes me ask myself, what matters? What will keep on mattering beyond the immediate day to day grind?
I’m nervous and a little scared, if I’m honest. I recognize how dramatically different life is about to become and wrapping my brain around it is daunting. I worry about my relationship with Zac. There were a few weeks where I really felt like we weren’t as close as we usually are. That’s been better the last few days. It’s just difficult, this process of redefining everything and trying to visualize the future.
There will be ups and downs – that’s the nature of becoming parents! But it’s a good thing that you’re aware of these changes. They’re normal, but the important thing is to remember that the rough patches should pass. Keeping your relationship healthy and strong overall takes work and attention. You two will do great, I’m sure of it. ^_^
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Thinking of you!
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I think that’s what life is, though. Just redefining what is important to us and adjusting to fit those needs and feelings. I go through phases like that with Carl, too. You just have to make sure you come back and redefine things TOGETHER, so that you move forward together. 🙂
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I think you were the one who told me about the concept of recommitting. You go through transition periods that can be good, odd, awkward or blah. It’s in those moments you chose to recommit. Sometimes all it takes is holding hands, hugging, talking, playing cards, getting drunk. Whenever you find that distance, instead of waiting for the other person to come back….go to them.
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As long as you are aware…that’s half the battle. Not wanting it to stay that way shows there is a real connection. When you stop caring if you are distant, that’s when things go downhill.
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