Two Thousand Twelve

January: I started the year feeling amazingly confident. I was at the lowest weight in my adult life (at the time — it kept dropping until summer) and was in the middle of my fitness craze. Working out 4-6 hours a day and eating a super clean diet and feeling altogether amazing. Fitness was very much the focus of my life. (sidenote: I can’t WAIT to get back into that state of being. It’s where I’m happiest.) I was also struggling with my down cycle (bi-polar? check.) and since I couldn’t use food as a coping mechanism, I dove headfirst into television. Specifically, I watched the entire series of Felicity on Netflix. Multiple times. Nonstop. It wasn’t pretty.

February: Spent lots of time working out. Lots of time with The Mexican. Also met Tyler, a guy who made only a brief appearance in my microverse. He was awesome on paper, less so in person.

March: My birthday month! All of my birthday plans fell through and the last thing I wanted to do was sit at home alone on my personal holiday so I wound up working. Mildly better than stuffing my face on the couch while watching Netflix. At least I got paid!

April: My first trip to Bahrain of the year. The Mexican was in Mexico at the time and I spent my quiet nights in the Gulf chatting with him on Facebook. Red and the kids came home to the states for a visit and I nearly died from the stress of having them in my home, but we got through it. As we always do.

May: Another trip to Bahrain. Tried my hand at international online dating. Met up with a Bahraini guy who was very sweet. We met for… for… omg, what is it called? There’s sliced fruit and melted chocolate. Fondue!! Yes. That’s it. Anyway. He seemed into me, but the sparks just weren’t there on my side. It was awkward having to make up an excuse to leave the house. Red knew I was meeting a guy from the internet, but her husband would NOT have been okay with that so we told him that I was going out with this guy Shafiq that I met at the mall. Of course, that pissed him off and he and Red wound up fighting because he knew Shafiq was married. So I told Red to tell him that I went on a double date. We told him that Shafiq and his wife brought a friend for me to meet. He was satisfied with that scenario. Lame. I hate having to lie about things like that. I’m too old to have to justify my behavior!! But I hate even more the thought of stirring up trouble so I just went with it. Oh yeah, I  also met Mohammed on this trip.

June: The first day of the month was spent on a plane back to Los Angeles. And it was on this very plane that I met the Italian. I spent the rest of the month squeeing about him. I also hit up Runyon Canyon for the first time.

July: Spent the 4th babysitting and missed out on fireworks. Again. Bummer. Also lost my trainer this month. He moved to Hollywood and I have been lost without him ever since. (sidenote: I’m ready to change that. I can stop being a chicken shit and just start lifting on my own. It’s time to view this as an opportunity for growth.)

August: Hawaii! Got paid to live in paradise for two and a half weeks, but it’s not my bag. I stressed the entire time I was there, coped with food, and gained 10 pounds. Which I’m still carrying around. Ugh. Drove straight to Sacramento the morning after I got back from Hawaii. Never even bothered to unpack. Spent a few days with one of the many loves of my life. I only mention him once in a while in my diary, but he’s a daily topic of my offline conversations.

September: Spent the month in a nasty cycle of stress eating, then stressing about how much I’d been eating, then eating more because of the stress. It was horrible. A few months earlier I had told Mohammed in a phone conversation that I was going to the gym 6 hours a day. And at the time it was true! Of course, because I told him that he expected that I was going to be a lot thinner when I went to visit him in Dubai. So I spent the entire month of September flogging myself over my failure and punishing myself with food.

October: All of that self-punishment culminated in sabotaging what could have been an awesome and romantic getaway. I was fat and broke and just wasn’t up for being open and vulnerable. I painted Mohammed in a bad light when I discussed our time together, but it was just as much my fault as it was his. Oh well. Live and learn. After bombing with Mohammed, I met a guy on my flight back to Bahrain. He was raised in Bahrain, but now lives and works in Dubai. We went out a few times and I thought it was just going to be a hit it and quit it, but he’s been in regular contact ever since. He may even be in LA on business in the next few months! So we’ll see how that goes. I suppose I should get around to writing a real entry about him, but *meh* Aside from a few hours of fun, he doesn’t have a great deal of influence in my life.

November: Rough month. My mom moved out (yay!) at the one time in the three years that she’s been staying with me that I couldn’t afford to lose her as a roommate (boo!) and when I desperately needed someone to lean on, the Mexican was off falling in love with his new girlfriend (ugh!). I spent a good deal of time crying, eating, and being generally numb to life. Excessive amounts of resumes sent out. Very few job interviews. Zero offers.

December: Found part-time work with a personal trainer who has opened his own studio and is looking to expand. Worked part-time for UPS as a driver helper. Continued babysitting. Managed to make rent. Two days before Christmas, but hey! At least it was in the same month. Interviews continued. Zero job offers. Maintaining hope for the new year. But it wasn’t all doom and gloom!. I got to meet my internet crush in the flesh. It was marvelous and hopefully it will be the first of many meetings. I will be ending my year on a less enthusiastic note than it began. I will be working until probably 11, then back home to hang out solo. The Italian will call me at midnight to ring in my new year with me as I called him at noon my time to ring in his new year with him. Because we’re cheesy like that.

Here’s to an awesome 2013!

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Wow .. you have traveled in 2012 and well met people. I hope 2013 goes well for you. Hope that you get some good job offers as I think that would make things easier for you. I know that worrying about making rent can be a big issue. Hope overall that things work out better for you in 2013. Take care.

December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!

This is a pretty awesome summary. I might just try and do that myself. 🙂 Happy New Year, E!

January 1, 2013

That’s amazing you can remember what you did each month. I can’t remember what I did last month. Have you always used food for comfort? Is there something you can do, like keep veggies or something in your fridge or make sugar free jello with cool-whip? Oh that sounds so good!! I hope you have an amazing 2013!! *HUGS*

Thanks for your note. I have all my ducks in a row and now I just have to go down there and tell them my story. I know that I have done nothing wrong, as I have declared all my income and paid taxes on that money. But someone screwed up .. and I have to get it straightened out. From the outside (not knowing the story) I can see how someone could assume that they need to make the change they have

made. But I know that there is the truth, and I just hope by telling them the truth they will see that someone made an error and I have done nothing wrong. I just hope that their office is open tomorrow. I am taking the bus down there as I don’t want to park as I have no idea how long I will be down there. One of my friends said all I have to do is “launch an appeal” and they have to investigate

my case. I hope that once they get the facts they will realize that I have done nothing wrong. I will be sure to write an entry about what happens. I have however realized reading your entries that you have experienced much more hardship than I have in my life. I tend to freak when something happens in my life, as you can probably tell. Anyways .. hope your New Year goes well for you. Take care.

January 2, 2013

I’ve never been on a plane in my life and here you are flying all over the place like a bird hehe.

January 2, 2013

Happy New Year! is the UPS job still going? You got to go to so man awesome places this year!

January 2, 2013

Lots of traveling!

January 2, 2013

Happy new year! 🙂 I loved reading about your whole year since I started reading your diary most of the way through it, heh 🙂 ryn, aww thanks 🙂 I swear it’s all in the pattern.

RYN .. thanks for your words. I am feeling better today after getting that off my back. So until they get back to me .. there is nothing I can do to alter the situation. So I will just wait and live my life. I expect there will be a good outcome. Fortunately this year it will be much easier. I will just now try to reach my goals and not worry about my little tax issues. Really .. I was 50%

responsible for the problem as I did my taxes wrong. But how was I to know I screwed up. Guess I should stick to things that I know about .. hehe. I just hope that things will just be a little less stressful as time goes on, as I don’t handle stress as well as I used to. Depression will do that to you. Getting divorced didn’t help things, but I will be fine in the end.

January 2, 2013

RYN- You are too sweet and kind! 🙂 Thanks, I’ve had Open Diary since I was 14, so catching up is nearly impossible. I’ll definitely bookmark you… or friend you… whatever they call it 😀

January 3, 2013

Happy New Year! You started off pretty well and did quite a bit of travelling. And then. kind of went down from there… but hey, it’s okay! Here’s to a great 2013 !!! By the way, always appreciate your notes 🙂

January 3, 2013

Hey 🙂 Nice to make new friends 🙂 Hope you’re having a good day.

RYN: Been there had to do it. The worst part of it is that all the members of my family are very very well off. But that wasn’t always the case. But it is sad that I had to do what I did just to pay the rent. I would take you out (taking you out for supper and a movie of course) but you live too far away .. *blushes*. I hope you don’t have to go that route, but I would understand it. It is just

such a terrible thing .. as sometimes good people are forced to do things they wouldn’t normally do out of desperation. But if you do come to Edmonton .. send me a note, it is a date. I would take you out to the mall to ride the rollercoaster. Yea .. as if, I am terrified of that thing. Been there did that too. The first drop is a killer. Anyways .. hope things work out for you and you don’t have

to tempt fate. Take care. Oh yea .. I am in trouble, my ex wife read the hooker entry .. and guess I didn’t tell her about the sex with guys thing. Somehow I skipped that part when I was telling her about my life when we met. But I think she now understands why I was such a bad husband. I just didn’t know any better as I didn’t know how to love another person properly.

January 3, 2013

RYN: Lol..yeah I guess if I had enough money for one of those grand places I could have enough to hire someone to clean it for me 😉 I hope that you are having a good evening. love and hugs,

RYN: Edmonton or CA. Yea pretty easy decision. I would take CA in a minute. But I don’t like all the guns in the US, just scares me. I can road rage here in Edmonton and not get shot at. In CA .. I don’t know if that would be the case.

amazing year! happy new year

RYN: Yes I haven’t changed totally. I just am a little more mellow now compared to the past, but still the same internally. Take care .. and thanks for the good steal.

RYN: When I was working .. we used to have a guy that traveled 7 floors to poop in our washroom. We finally figured out where the rudeness was coming from and who did it. He always used to plug our toilet on our floor. You have to watch out for the sneaky people.

January 3, 2013

Happy new year (a few days late)!

January 4, 2013

Despite highs and lows in various forms and elevations (bad November! bad!), it seems like 2012 was an overall good year for you. (Good to really get to read what’s going on in your life, albeit in summary form.) Happy New Year, and here’s hoping 2013 offers more opportunities!

January 4, 2013

2012 seemed not too bad all together! Y ou got to go to some really cool places.

January 5, 2013

RYN: I don’t like that one as it is almost impossible to find a place to park, but I have been there. It is one of the more popular places in Edmonton. The guy that owns it is a multi millionaire. He used to be an RCMP officer in his previous career. I usually go to the one by my place on 124 street. They also tend to be pretty expensive.

January 6, 2013

Hah, I just got your note about those two. Hilarious. And…I shoulda fuckin read this 2 hrs ago.

January 7, 2013

Yes I’ve noticed that too! Things seem to be picking up a bit since it’s winter break for some people but I know it’ll die down again in a few weeks. Oh well! I still try to reach out to people. and yes, I love it here so much :] I’ll be here well into my 80s 😛 if internet still even exists in this form..

RYN .. yes it was an adventure. Maybe I should move to someplace warmer .. then I won’t have these problems. But we finally got things done .. and I have to wait til my brother in law lets me know about my car. But I am pretty certain that the battery is toast.

ryn: “hear, hear!” An aspect of my job is to coach weight loss “activists” on their path, and so much of their challenge is in the head/heart, understandable, but that some point of power overcomes from the head/heart, the souls truth. To be happy, healthy, and loving. I’m proud of you and your walk. Live true!

January 8, 2013

I’m a little late, but Happy New Year! 🙂 Hope your 2013 is great!

January 8, 2013

that was quite a year. happy new year!

January 9, 2013

RYN- I’m not sure, i guess it could represent my heart as this cold place, warming up from the inside to life again 😉

January 9, 2013

RYN: I was awake! I was watching Biggest Loser I think! Tonight I may not be. Although, it’s 11:46pm and I’m still awake! I need to go start a movie to record and then either watch a show or read! Or both! My phone is charging at the moment and not on. But that will change in a few minutes! Hope to chat soon! Text me anytime! 🙂 I’ll answer eventually! 🙂 *HUGS*

January 11, 2013
January 11, 2013

RYN: Exactly 🙂

January 11, 2013

Ryn: Truth. 😛

January 14, 2013

r: Deal. Although…