I can’t stop the feeling that the world as we knew it has disappeared forever. The last 4 days have been absolute chaos, with hints of more to come. I’m terrified.

It’s been a hellish day. Work is very hard at the moment, every client I speak to has a heart wrenching story to tell. I know I need to draw a line on emotional work baggage, but some stick with you. Working at home makes it harder to switch off too.

I ended up calling the doctor last week. I’ve never sought help for my mental health before, but for the first time in a long while I don’t feel like I have control over it. I’m at the mercy of my emotions and it’s exhausting. I’ve been referred for an assessment. No idea what that means, but the DR I spoke to offered me medication straight off the bat. I don’t really want to start taking medication for my mood – I know it’s necessary and essential for a lot of people – I just want to try and work this out on my own first. The main problem is that I have no life at the moment. We don’t go anywhere, or see anyone and it’s hard to stay positive.

I’ve got 2 weeks away from work soon, so hopefully that will help me rest and reset. I’ve not had a proper break this year, so hoping it will do me good.

I never planned on writing much tonight, but it seems to have all tumbled out. Sending lots of love to anyone that’s reading.

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December 21, 2020

It was a pleasure to read about your hellish day, thank you for sharing it. Seems to me like you have good ways of watching and taking care of yourself. Working at home has been very rare for me (I work in education) but I struggled with it for exactly the same reasons. When a job is stressful that change of venue can make a big difference.

December 25, 2020

Sometimes it’s really tough to not take on everyone else’s mood and problems. I know that stuff sticks with me long after I hear about it, which is not healthy.

Things aren’t good right now for alot of people, but that doesn’t mean that it will never go back to being good. I think that things will shift, but that the shift in society will be more subtle. Two years from now, life will look much like it did two years ago, just with some minor changes. Does that help when your day-to-day sucks *right now*? No. And, for that, I’m sorry. My day-to-day sucks right now too.

As for the doctors… I might ask them to get you a talk therapist who also is capable of prescribing things, so that IF it is necessary for you to have meds they can be monitored a little closer than just prescribing and coming back in two months for a check-up (which is something I’ve been through personally). I know that medication has personally helped me, but that it has also been a struggle to find the right doseage / type that helps instead of hinders.

January 10, 2021

@smokedragon thank you for your kind words. I’m finding new ways to cope and trying to be more positive. Not reading the news is definitely helping! Hope you and your family are doing okay x

December 25, 2020

Also, Merry Christmas.